Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The beat goes on.

It's the unfortunate thing we know as period week. Poor Christopher has to deal with some silly crazy emotions from one end of the spectrum to the other. He's dealt with laughing and crying in the same conversation, self loathing and hating the world, and near mania where I feel like everything is better than ok. The simple fact that all of this occurs and he still understands me the best he can is just one more thing to add to the list of things that make me love him.

    This week I've been having a lot of trouble with the idea of the wedding, the loss of my best friend, the potential of bringing my father back into my life, looking for work, and life in general.
    I'm glad we've got time, because I keep bouncing back and forth on the wedding thing. One part of me wants to elope this weekend. Just the two of us, nobody else, no one to talk or criticize, and nobody to support us. We know that there are very few people that we can truly count on and those people are more valuable now than ever. Those people would also be the ones who understand why we left to do it alone. Then I bounce back to the dress and the cake and the music and my mother and my sister. Not to mention Chris. Everyone I love deserves to have this wonderful wedding that they'll remember. A special day filled with special moments, remembered through photos and anecdotes forever. I deserve it too. I don't want to wake up one day and wish that my wedding, my only wedding, had been different. This back and forth needs to be played out in some aspect... I think I need to consider the options to make sure I don't make the wrong decisions. (Of course I know, deep down, there is no wrong decision. As long as we get down to it and sign the paperwork, exchange the rings and come home to one another we'll have made the right decision!)
    The whole issue with losing my best friend perpetuates. It's painful every time I think about her. It's like a break up when your boyfriend was abusing you, and isolating you from your friends. You know it's the right thing to do, and in the long run it will stop hurting and you'll be better off, but it sucks. Not only does it suck but the comments that they made over years of being together really cut you down. This person knew you better than anyone else. You did everything for them, so if they say you can never do enough maybe you simply can't be enough for other people. But you finally get out of the relationship. It's ugly and messy and public, but it gets done. You even apologize for how things happened, and essentially get spit on. Then you're back out in the world and you realize that you're isolated. That person kept you away from friends, lying and putting wedges and rifts between you and everyone else. I realize now that I'm not even sure how I feel about most of the people we went to high school with. While I was away with college she created and destroyed relationships and stories, all of which I fell into when I came home. So the fact that ** is a cheater and abusive? I don't know. She said it was true and I took it to be as such for years. Now when I see someone and I turn to Chris to tell him what I know about that person, I realize that for 90% I'm telling him what she told me. Now I have to try to build relationships with people who I've been lied to about, and most likely they've been lied to about me too. So not only did she ruin things between us and break me down, but through her drama she's making it very difficult for me to recover after she's gone.
    My father's role in all this is troublesome for me as well. My dad has had this in and out pattern in my life, and every time he is in he goes back out and it hurts. This is one of the reasons that I have so much of an issue trusting people in general, but men especially. In addition, I don't want to exclude someone from a day that will undoubtedly be one of the most important days in my life and regret it later.
    Work is another issue here. While I love what I'm doing with my life, I feel like I'm involved in some research that could really benefit people one day, and I'm learning a lot. Unfortunately that makes my hours kind of complicated and variable, and research doesn't pay, not at this level at least. So now, I can depend on my husband to be for everything, or step up and get a part time job (which I haven't done in quite some time with school being my job) and contribute. It's stressful and a little daunting.

    Over the past 2 months my life has changed, almost completely. I still have a plan, and I've still got an amazing support system. No matter what the future brings, I'm sure I'll be able to make it through.

"I knew we'd need a back-up plan. The boat was actually Plan C. The church was Plan B and Plan A was marrying her a long, long time ago. Pretty much the day I met her." -Jim, the Office.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Aaaaannddd BOOM goes the dynamite.

    Today the husband to be and I went to a wedding. Our first wedding together, the first wedding either of us remember going to (I was at my parent's wedding when I was really young), and the first wedding since we've gotten engaged. It was beautiful and felt intimate. The ceremony was held in a romantic clearing in a lovely Japanese garden, the reception in a tent nearby, not too big and not too small, the bride looked like she could have walked right out of a dream, and I'm sure her husband thought she may have. Her friends and family were in attendance, there was no tension, and everyone seemed to have a lovely time. It was wonderful. Like a fairytale.

    I guess that's when reality hit. I've got to do this one day, and not too far off. I always wanted to have a lovely fairytale wedding. I wanted the white dress, the linens, the cake, the ceremony, thebridesmaidsthedancingthefamilyhappinessfunguestsomgwtfamithinkinganymore?!?! You can see how this is going... I may need to elope.

    I hate clothes shopping most of the time, what makes me think I'll be happy with a white poofy dress that might just make me look bigger? I can't keep myself clean during dinner at home, how will I not spill wine or drop food on myself at our reception? I get antsy during a 20 minute meeting, how will I be able to sit through a wedding ceremony filled with pomp and circumstance, let alone be completely present like I need to be. I barely like people, and my friends are similar so how will the bridesmaids get along? Chris hates dancing, what makes me think he'll like it on that day? My family bickers at a simple dinner out, how can I expect them to chill out on such a stressful day?
   Almost a month ago Chris asked me the biggest question of my life so far, and the answer was the simplest I've had to give. I knew without a doubt that he was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with before he asked. I knew that he would make an amazing husband, father, family member (super important since I have a little family), and would always work hard to provide for us and do whatever it takes to create a comfortable life for us. At that moment I didn't have a single question. Now that's all I feel like I've got. Previous statements about Chris and our future excluded, of course.
    I guess today is one of the first days that it really hit me. The drama with everyone around me and the problems surrounding the situations have clearly distracted me from the facts of the matter. At some point, close or distant in the future, whether privately and in secret or publicly in front of hundreds of friends and family, I will be marrying Christopher A. Harris Jr. No matter what happens for the rest of my life, or how unsure about anything I might become, I know that I can (and will) completely give my life to him. He is the man that has proven to me he deserves it... even though sometimes that means he deserves a punishment. :)
    Today may have made me think we should stretch the engagement a little more, but it's also made me more sure than ever that he's the man for me.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

But I deserve better than this!

    How many times have each of us said or thought that statement? "I deserve better." Given that most of you are friends of mine I know you're pretty good people, and good people have a way of getting themselves into situations where they know they deserve better, but continue to deal with it for whatever reason. We know there is something better, or at least something wrong that needs to be fixed, and we keep dealing with it.
    In this particular moment in time this blog doesn't actually apply to me. For once I've stood up for myself and every time "but I deserve better" runs through my head I've decided to search for a better way. To rid myself of the situation or person that I deserve better than and move on. Set standards that I deserve to have met and only accept that standard. Sure, this makes me bitchy and mean in some peoples eyes, but it's made me happier than I've been since my super hedonistic days in high school. Back then I was happy because I didn't care much about anyone but myself, these days I'm happy because while still considering how my actions might affect others I'm putting myself first. There are obvious exceptions to the "me first" rule, such as my family and the fiance that I'm building a life with. They kind of land at the same level I'm putting myself at.
    This incredibly selfish way of dealing with the world is most likely offensive to some people, they believe that I should continue to put everyone else first and hope that there is some time and energy left over for me. Anyone who really knows me knows that I've been doing that for years and it makes me difficult to deal with. As melodramatic as it sounds, those close to me have seen me drive myself into the ground for other people while I let myself suffer to the point of exhaustion and pain that never gets assessed. Now, after choosing the people and situations I'll allow myself to be involved with, I've added on therapy, working out, weeding out the negative people in my life, and adding in regular bouts of laughter with friends and family. I make it a point to take time out for myself, and this is a novelty that I am really enjoying.
    Back to the topic at hand. We let ourselves suffer when we know we deserve better. We take jobs we hate, we know we deserve better ones with better pay doing something better, especially when we know we're more qualified than about 90% of other Americans. I'm not being cocky, that's just a statistic regarding the percentage of people with a masters degree. We allow ourselves to be trampled on in relationships when we know we deserve someone who loves us, cares for us, and can offer reciprocity. Whether romantic or friend relationships we know when we're in the right position, and we know when we deserve better, but we so often stay.
   Why do we put ourselves through this? Sometimes it's necessity. Sometimes we need jobs so badly we take ones that we're overqualified for and can't stand just to pay the bills. Sometimes we feel that we need relationships to sustain ourselves or some part of our lifestyle, although most of the time we're wrong in that aspect. Why else might we do it? I think that during the times when I let people treat me in a way I didn't deserve it was because, as crappy as it felt, I thought I deserved it. I believed that I had done something to deserve the treatment I was getting because no person would be so cruel to another unless they deserved it, right? Retrospectively, I was wrong. I felt guilty for no real reason and let people take advantage of it.
    Those were my reasons, but what are others? Now that I'm actively working to assess my life and keep it on the positive end I wonder why other people wouldn't do the same. The people who have told me forever that I'm too hard on myself, and told me that I deserve better, continue to let themselves be where I used to be. Abused and unappreciated by themselves and other people, in situations that they don't need to be in, they can't seem to see the forest through the trees.
    As difficult as the past few weeks have been for me to get through, making the change was a change for the better. I wish there was some way that I could let everyone know that they (most likely) deserve better. They simply have to stand up for themselves and realize what they actual deserve better on. For example, I don't deserve better than my family right now. No matter how hard it can be to run over to help out with my sister at the drop of a hat, or deal with issues with nursing care and the reliability of our help, the reward outweighs the downside, and it always will.
    So dear friends, what I'm saying is that you (probably) deserve better. Take a close look at your lives, see what makes you unhappy, analyze the risk/reward of keeping it around, and if whatever it is isn't necessary and at the same time isn't worth it, let it go. Live your life in the "better" realm. Don't let people continually rely on you, take from you, degrade you, make you feel as though you're not worth the time it takes to have a friendship and then expect you to do exactly the opposite. Build a life that you're comfortable in, and let everything else go.

lolz haterz. screw off! <3 

Monday, June 20, 2011

(Hopefully) The true end to a chapter.

    Today I had the conversation with LCCWB that I intend to be the last. She's "ready to bury the hatchet" but she "just doesn't know if we can be friends" after what I did. It's laughable to a point, in several ways. One being that I'm really uncertain if she understands half the words and phrases she uses, such as 'accepting apologies' and 'forgive.' These are things she can say, but obviously doesn't know how to do.
    As obviously painful as it is to watch an era end, and knowing full well that with LCCWB it won't be the complete end (as soon as she needs something I have she'll be back to trying to be best friends and acting like nothing ever happened), I'm genuinely glad. It's unfortunate, especially after I put my pride to the side and was willing to forgive her offenses just to preserve a friendship and she wasn't, but it's good for me, my fiance and my family... both the one I have now and the one Chris and I will have in the future. Friends take risks on one another all the time, we gamble by trusting other human beings, and a gamble on LCCWB has never payed off. I hate gambling with money, but for some reason I've continued to gamble with more important things such as my health and happiness, betting on her and losing every time.
    I've thought about what Georgie boy said (we all know I give things too much thought): "in two years LCCWB and frends will be living much better lives and be a hell of a lot happier than you could ever dream of being." And in regard to that, in the past few days, the ones where I've made my decision on her before hearing her's on me, I've been happier than I ever thought I could be. I always thought that the things dragging me down were the men I chose, the work I do, the anxiety disorder I have, etc. etc. Now I believe that I was being dragged down by the company I chose to keep. Like I said in the last post, we may not have a thousand best friends, but Chris and I are in the process of surrounding ourselves with people we can really trust and turn to, no matter what. People that are understanding and phenomenal, who can provide reciprocal relationships, never putting us in the awkward position of giving until we're uncomfortable with nothing in return, and never disrespecting us or our families.
    The bliss that comes from having a truly supportive partnership is something that I'm fairly certain only people who have one can understand. Even after a tiny (and drunken) tiff last night, I fell asleep in the arms of someone that I know I'll always have to turn to. He supports what I want to do, going so far as to work 2 and sometimes even 3 jobs so I can do my research and choose my doctoral program carefully while going to school himself. I try my best to be a good housewife in training (since I can't consider research or education as a career unless they pay the bills) and he continues to work his ass off to make sure our ends meet. We have an understanding that surpasses spoken conversation, and he knows that if our roles were reversed I'd do whatever it took to support his passion. That silly boy actually believes I'm sacrificing by being supportive about the long hours he'll have in medical school. I've got him fooled!! The least I can do at this point is pack a lunch and stay up late for him to get home from school and work.
   I'm so glad this chapter of drama is over, so now I just have to worry about the normal stuff, like if my 4 bridesmaids (who don't know for sure who they are yet, and I'm fairly certain at least 1 has NO idea whatsoever) don't like their dresses, and if everything can be fit into a vision that somehow involves star wars (my nerd of a husband to be!). After the past 3 weeks (precisely one day after we got engaged, the day the drama started with LCCWB) I'm pretty sure we can handle anything, especially if we take it on together.

To take from Ann Frank, "Despite all that has happened, I still believe people are good at heart." Unfortunately hearts don't always show at the surface.

Here's your kittens, angry people!

Where is it?

    Where is the line? Where is the point that you stop allowing yourself to feel bad about things that have happened already? When is it ok to say "fuck everyone else, what's done is done, and I've done my best" and mean it? We say things along these lines so often, like I'll stop beating myself up about it, or I know that everything will be ok because I've done what I could, but so often we keep things that may have been wrongs in the back of our head and let them nag at us, causing future doubt and hesitation in our decisions.
    I think I've found the line. This weekend we had darling friends visit (these ones are pussy ass bitches, so I'll use their names), Cherise and Gill. They were the first to visit since the engagement, the first to care enough to come out of their way to congratulate us (and we don't even know Cherise well), and the first to make us laugh outside of the very small family that I'm fortunate enough to have. These two unknowingly drew that line in the sand (while we were at the beach!). Gill has always been (in my opinion) the best friend my fiance has and he has once again proven it, company in tow. Gill and I bicker like brother and sister, which as far as our lives are concerned is essentially what we shall be. He fills a void that I never knew I had, and at this point I consider him to be a better friend to me than most of those I have chosen for myself. I know that he will be there for me, if in no other way than as the brother-like-man of my husband to be. This makes him feel like family to me, and that is how he acts.
    My good friends act like family. These are the friends I deserve, and this is where the line will be drawn. I will no longer feel guilty about anything done concerning anyone that does not treat me in a manner that leads to my comfort and stability. These does lead for some weeding, but I know it is for the best.

    In other news, I think that the engagement party will be pushed back. I still need some time to recover from the situation with LCCWB and I honestly think that Chris and I just need some time to be just us. Spend some time enjoying our engagement. Laughing with Gill and Cherise this weekend helped us remember how to just have fun. We need to do more of that before we plan the most serious event of our lives so far. Followed by a lovely party, of course.
    Every day the future looks brighter. Even if my husband to be will be a pretentious ivy league douche bag, we're moving in the right direction in life, love, and finding the things we need to be complete.

For the angry people. <3

Friday, June 17, 2011

Doing what's "right" can be wrong.

     In keeping with the theme, I continued with frustration about LCCWB until the day before our on-again off-again zen post. So much so that I really began to doubt whether or not I was doing the right thing by standing up for myself. I broke down, and called her. I apologized for everything and took blame that isn't mine, while listening to her berate me about how everything I said about her was lies and I'm not a trustworthy person. This from the individual that has admittedly lied to me on several occasions, as well as not being there when I needed her most. After "accepting" my apology she's demanded that my blog be made private and that I take down the links from facebook, and make a public statement that all of it was lies if I want to be friends.

Needless to say, that won't be happening. I did what she asked in that I deleted the direct posts on facebook, and asked her to return the courtesy by posting on her facebook (not clever enough to blog I suppose) and tell people that I'm not a horrible slanderous individual. To act like my friend. This is apparently out of her reach. She refused tactlessly, and we're essentially where we started the day. Even trying to be the bigger person and make things right can somehow be construed as being a bad person with LCCBW. It's amazing.

After a conversation longer than she's worth I ended up leaving my husband to be to fact check a little bit. She obviously claimed that everything I said was a boldfaced lie, and I wanted to make sure. So for the record to stand everything that I wrote about her relationship with my mother and her actions while under our roof was completely true, from not meeting financial obligations, taking drugs and even hitting my mother's car. Her exit from our home was tumultuous as I previously reported and contrary to her statements. Neither my sister nor mother recall a civil goodbye from her.

She also seems to have forgotten about her relationship problems before the current one (which btw, we didn't even get into the lies she tells her current boyfriend... my mom feels strongly enough about that to share that one with him if she ever gets the opportunity. I feel like that's something he should find out himself) so she claims all of that was a lie as well.

The other things she admits to, but still claims that everything I wrote was a lie. When an individual's held definitions are in contrast to reality there is no reasoning. Unfortunately it is my (not so) professional (but rather educated) opinion that LCCBW has deteriorated into a sickening state of borderline personality disorder. In case you don't know, borderline clients are the type that psychologists avoid like the plague unless they have problems of their own, if for no other reason than that they will make every attempt to actively consume your life. They need to be the center of everything that goes on around them, and if they are not their life doesn't feel complete. In this instance, somehow my engagement and the planning of the rest of my life has to have her at the center.

In the past it may have. We planned to grow up together, live next door to one another, have children around the same time, and do everything we could together. Not anymore. I'm no longer interested in associating with someone so filled with lies and toxicity. I can't fix her, I no longer feel responsible for assuring her well-being as I have for the past 18 years, and I highly doubt any amount of therapy or medication can either.

In the end of our conversation she said she "really needed some time to think about whether we could be friends." That was four days ago. This came after I compromised with her terms. That simple statement has made it abundantly clear to me. If someone says that they were angry and made a mistake (which she admits she's done), whether they believe it or not, and apologize, if you can't take that at face value, add it to the nearly 2 decades of friendship, and put it behind you, then it supports my theory of parasitic behavior. It's now clear that I won't be useful to be used for her benefit anymore, and I believe that this realization is what makes her "need to think" about it. The people around me and myself included believe that she's taking this time to figure out if there's any obvious benefit for her in continuing our relationship. I hope that by this point it's obvious that her decision on our relationship doesn't matter, I've made mine.

At least these actions help me to see who I really want to be in my life. The lapse of judgement I had in asking her to grow up and come back was silly, and I should stand firm on my original idea. She needs to make up for what she's done. Until then, the offenses against me stand.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

It's all great... As long as it's not about me.

    Why is it that everyone loves to read rants and raves about other people (and love to criticize these rants and raves) as long as it has nothing to do with them? From a safe distance it's awesome to watch a bitch get put on blast, or hear about people's troubles and joys, and criticize the decisions and perceptions of other people. As soon as the topic involves themselves, people want nothing to do with it.

    Obvious examples: LCCWB loved to talk shit and see drama play out with me. She used to be addicted to facebook to see how fights between people would come to fruition on facebook, sometimes even going so far as to add in a little something to fuel the flame. Someone rights a little blog about her, and she loses her head, crying and demanding it be taken down. Sure, it could be perceived as cruel and mean and awful in regards to her, but how is it different than the fun she had watching friendships fall apart (and I'm sure this still provides some fun for her now) a year ago, or seeing the next unplanned pregnancy and laughing because it wasn't hers? Next example, our dear friend Georgie boy. He's ready to talk smack on the blog about how in 2 years I'll be feeling like a complete bitch and lying about the situation surrounding my life now (or maybe he means it'll change so drastically by then that I'll feel that way, we'll never know with dear George), but as soon as he gets called out about being wrong and invited to find out the truth about my life his defenses go up, and he makes sure to point out that he has a life and job that keep him busy. Not too busy to read about other people's drama, we might make a note of that.

    But it isn't just these two, it's all of us. Humanity as a whole seems to have this sick urge to witness the suffering of others, to judge and criticize, to say how things should have been and could have been different. Only with other people though. Once the focus is put upon ourselves we back away. All of a sudden what has been fun and entertaining turns childish and unreasonable. Out of bounds and somehow not ok. I say this about no person in specific, but about all of us. If someone wrote these things about me I might be a little flattered that I take up so much mind space, but I'd be the first one to shrug it off as childish or write a nasty comment. If I told you all the story of a girl who fell from grace or a man whose life was out of control you'd love to read it, right up to that moment you realized it was about you... Then the joy of someone else's pain would cease and defenses would come into action.

This goes further, into our celebrity obsession. I, personally, couldn't give a crap about any of it... except if there's a hot chick on the cover of the magazine looking fine, cuz who doesn't love eye candy? But I digress. Millions of these magazines are sold, publishing the "secrets" of people we don't even know, and wouldn't have ever seen if we didn't have a media that promoted it. No one cares if there isn't something negative, a wedding, or a baby going on. Like I said I don't read those magazines so correct me if I'm wrong, but do they even publish anything that doesn't fall into those 3 categories? Wedding, baby, problem. That's all we want to read about.

    We've got a problem, people. A voyeuristic society that can't stand the idea of personal exhibition is setting itself up for failure, or at least disappointment. Why can't we focus on our own lives? After all, they say happiness comes from within.

So by all means, let your emotions flow, vent if you need to, but do your best to let these things pass, and allow yourself to be happy. Look around at your home, your loved ones, the things you do have and let go of the things you don't. You might miss some things that are gone, but as our lovely Carla pointed out: "Sometimes the end is necessary to make room for something good that could happen." And I think it's fair to say we've all got a little more room for potential good in out life.

And here's a little pile of kittens, just for angry people who won't stop reading.

<3 <3

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

On-again, off-again Zen

     The life of the soon(ish) to be married woman is filled with ups and downs. We have the duty to plan a ceremony that will express the unique individuality of ourselves as well as our future spouse, and then a party after for our friends and family that will somehow please everyone from frat boys to 84 year old grandfathers. It's easy to see how a girl can lose herself in this process, not to mention how stressful it can be.
     I got some advice from a lovely newly wed. Love is even in her name. She reminded me that it's the wedding of Chris and I, not everyone else. Who attends and doesn't, who is involved and isn't, who loves it and who doesn't, none of that matters. "If someone can't be there for you when you need them, cut them out. If someone doesn't agree with your choice of flowers, tell them that if they hate it that much not to attend." It's something that only took me 2 weeks to forget. Chris and I have been through enough, separately and together, we don't need to allow more drama and strife into our lives. He proposed at an interesting point in time, right before he started at an Ivy League medical school, making this process piled on his education, my research, and probably my education as well given that I intend to continue into a doctoral program.

***Funny note, pussy George who didn't respond to comments or a private message, might actually be a little bit right. In 2-3 years Chris and I will have a difficult life. He'll be working long hours curing sick children of illnesses. I'll be using late nights to continue research and help clients in crisis. But every night we'll be able to come home to one another and be with the one person who truly understands why we are how we are. The one person I trust. That is the thing that makes me truly happy: Knowing that I'll always have the love of my life and the most trustworthy person I know on my side will keep me blissfully happy. So Georgie Boy, while you were partially right, you were wrong. Our lives will be happy, and I doubt that I'll be feeling like a bitch when my husband and I are making real differences in people's lives (not to mention pretty decent money) and continue to have a supportive family and a network of friends that has proven themselves reliable and trustworthy.

    So to the point, I'm ready. Chris and I can really start planning some things and enjoying ourselves. I'm so excited!!! Finally.

Oh, and for people who hate everything, stop reading!! But here's a kitten.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

A lesson in vocabulary and law

      I had a dream last night that there were cockroaches everywhere in our apartment (we've only ever had the occasional spider, and these things were huge) and no matter how hard I tried I simply couldn't kill them, they just kept coming back. Psychoanalytic interpretation: LCCBW is a pest that will not go away, even after you've tried to squash it. Call in an exterminator, and accept that things will never be patched up. As long as you let her be a part of your life she will be a problem in your life, so let your problems go. 

       In the latest news, LCCBW has decided to make these statements public:

Slander- The action or crime of making a false spoken statement damaging to a person’s reputation
Libel- A published false statement that is damaging to a person’s reputation; a written defamation.

Yup, no context. No need when you’re being a petty bitch. But when people rushed to her side and begged to know what was going on and who would do these things, she said: “My ex-best friend Danielle Gaudioso” without hesitation. Now this my dear friends is simply maligning (since we’re learning new words, maligning: to speak about (someone) in a spitefully critical manner), especially given her ungrateful, disrespectful and all around shady behavior. In addition we should note that she has at this point identified me by first and last name, removing the claim of anonymity from any argument she could make. See, when I named her it was first name only, and only so my darling readers didn't have to deal with reading LCCBW every time she was spoken of. Alas, she forced my hand on that one.

See folks, making slanderous statements about the people who took you in and cared for you when you cried (obviously not playing the victim, because LCCWB would never, ever do that!) about how you couldn’t make it on your own and nobody else you knew would even consider taking you in, that’s ok. Especially if you do it in their house, under their roof, while ignoring the terms of your stay there. Let’s familiarize ourselves with some other terms we may have forgotten:

An oral contract- a contract that terms of which have been agreed by spoken communication, in contrast to a written contract, where the contract is a written document. There may be written, or other physical evidence, of an oral contract – for example where the parties write down what they have agreed – but the contract itself is not a written one.
*As a special note to our lovely readers, with sufficient evidence this oral contract can stand up in court, but if that isn’t enough for you then…

In United States law, an implied-in-fact contract (a form of implied contract) is a contract agreed by non-verbal conduct, rather than by explicit words. The defined this in its decision Baltimore & Ohio R. Co. v. United States, 261 U.S. 592 (1923).. That decision described "an agreement 'implied in fact'" as "founded upon a meeting of minds, which, although not embodied in an express contract, is inferred, as a fact, from conduct of the parties showing, in the light of the surrounding circumstances, their tacit understanding."
Such contracts are formed when one party accepts something of value knowing that the other party expects compensation. For example by visiting a doctor, a patient agrees to pay a fair price for the service. If he refuses to pay after being examined, he has breached a contract implied in fact.
Definitions for oral contract and implied-in-fact contract pulled from I cite my shit bitch.

**This lovely example could be transferred to the idea of a person moving into another person’s house. The parasitic bitch (in this case LCCWB) would have taken something of value from my it’s host, in this case my family and I, knowing full well that she had created an oral contract to deliver a menial amount of rent in return, or at least some respect.

Now, back to the original matter at hand; defining terms for the petty or illiterate. Haha j/k I don’t care about educating assholes. The matter at hand is that I’m so sick and tired or all of LCCWB’s lies, deceit and attempts to gain pity for herself. It delights me to cross her and her so unfortunately silly boyfriend off of our guest list. It brings that number down and makes one less person for me to have to worry about at the wedding.
            I regret not listening to my friends and family when they warned me that LCCWB was a parasitic danger to my health and well being. People tried to tell me that she just brought me down and was using me and the people around me whom I trust without thought. I doubt this pattern of behavior will change, because a leopard doesn’t change it’s spots, cheaters generally don’t stop cheating, and my over achieving love is still going to full blown Ivy League medical school, not PA school which takes less time and is less prestigious. Side note on the school thing too, we’re making that happen ourselves. We didn’t need to beg for help to get loans or pay off debt we’ve accrued. We’re doing it on our own. Probably finding a way to play the victim, as LCCWB would say.
So my advice to you dear friends, is even when you’re not too sure, consider the mass opinion. Occasionally it will be wrong, and I strongly advise against taking only one opinion (after all, LCCWB spread lies about my now fiancé lying and cheating on me, for no discernible reason other than to break up a relationship with more potential). We should listen to those close to us, and when a Judas is pointed out to us we should give it serious consideration, even if we thought they were one of the few we could trust.
In any event today I think I’m finally ready to open a wedding magazine again. I think I can look at a book, contact a venue, and consider flowers. In the 16 days since our engagement I’ve been unable to do these things without coming to tears due to LCCWB’s actions, and her role in my life. Finally, I think I’m ready to let go and allow myself to enjoy planning a celebration with people who genuinely care about me, not just about themselves.
I’m open to suggestions on almost anything, but don’t get mad if I don’t take them. After all, this is the wedding of Chris and I, so he must agree as well if I like the suggestion!

Solid PS- Thanks to anyone who has been supportive, I’ve really needed it what with finding out that the one person I though I could count on is a liar and can’t be trusted (thank god I’ve learned to trust my fiancé and disclose everything to him so she can’t go behind my back and lie to him about me like she does to everyone else!) and to anyone who hasn’t, why the hell are you still reading my shit? Get a better waste of time. I, personally, enjoy cute cats, so maybe try this. 

Monday, June 13, 2011

Being an absent bitch doesn't mean you'll go away

Some of you may have noticed that my previous post was adapted to exclude the name of a person who will forevermore be referred to as LCCWB (totally check out the abbreviation if you don't know what it means). This change has come about because she had her boyfriend (somewhat threateningly I might add) tell me to take it down. "It would be in your best interest" he said. Well, you know what's in my best interest dicks? Having decent friends. This couple has made it apparent that they are not. Therefore Chris and I won't be able to include them in our wedding festivities at any point. I will not stop blogging, and with the exception of the loving new nickname, I won't be making other changes. I sincerely hope the the boyfriend in question wakes up one day and realizes that LCCWB will live up to this abbreviation and he will eventually suffer as well, even if it is when he's in his 50s and he sees that he's wasted his life on someone not worth it. Although I do pray for him that it's sooner.

I sincerely wish the best for LCCWB's boyfriend. I also wish that LCCWB would get her karma dose soon, because it's long overdue.

Once again, in case you didn't notice in my first post, this blog will be filled with bitching. It will not be sunshine and flowers unless I'm feeling sunshiney and flowery. If you don't like it, don't read it. This isn't for you, for once I'm doing something for me.

The start of the end of a friendship

Well, not the complete start, but the start of the latest drama.

On May 29th, 2011 my boyfriend became my fiance, officially taking me off the market and pulling me (happily) into the club of individuals that will never date again. Now, all of this happened so quickly (we had just come back from the Caribbean the day before) and it was very late by the time we got home. Not very late, but late for a Sunday. I asked Chris (the fiance aforementioned) to maybe perhaps keep this little tidbit between us, just until we had a chance to tell our families and close friends so there would be no hurt feelings that someone didn't know, obviously not telling them meant we didn't love them, etc etc.
In keeping with this theme I hopped on the social media devil we know as Facebook. I instant messaged my best friend (****EDITED BECAUSE APPARENTLY THE TRUTH HURTS. This person will be further referred to Lying Cuntface Cheating Whore Bitch, or LCCWB for short.****), the chick that has been my understood maid of honor since we understood what weddings were. I wanted to tell her in person so I asked when she'd be in town next, since she just recently moved to be with her boyfriend in Lock Haven. A move, I might add, that occurred without so much as a farewell to me, let alone an notification given that she was living in my home, with my mother and my sister. Either way, she said she didn't know exactly when she'd be back, but it would be soon. I said that I needed her to come home. When she asked why I said "lol it's not like it's life changing shit or anything. Just get home. It's important."
At that point I left  and went to my mother's house to inform my darling sister and mama about the exciting news. Needless to say they can't get over it and simply can't wait to plan a 500 person celebration with a cathedral length train and a huge celebration. We're thinking 50 of our closest friends and family and their dates, the smaller the better. But more on that later. I left to go back home to my intended, and spend our first night together in our new relationship state.
While I was gone my darling love got excited and came early. Haha I can't help it. He put it on facebook while I was away, excited for his friends and family to know (as his status put it) "she said yes!" I can't fault him for this at all, I was excited too, but this is where things start to spiral out of control.
Over the next 24-36 hours calls, texts, and FB messages of joy and happiness were flowing in. Most people were as surprised as I was and excited for us. Some people thought it was about time. Everyone had something to say, except the one person that should have. LCCWB. She seemingly dropped off the face of the earth. Even her boyfriend text'd his congratulations. Needless to say I was busy with other things, so her specific congratulations was slightly overlooked. I was sure she was busy. After seeing her online and noticing her being active on FB I messaged her again. This message was met with a tirade about how horrible I am to not have told her. I should have taken time to collect my excited and fluttery head and remembered to specifically call her. The conversation went on for 20 minutes, including a point where she informed me that she forbid her boyfriend from congratulating us, and the closest she got to actually congratulating me on the engagement was "I'm happy for you, I'm just really hurt."

SERIOUSLY??? You're freaking hurt? GTF over it. I'm in what should be one of the most exciting moments of my life and you're guilting me because I didn't make it a point to send you a written notification of my engagement? If there ever was a time when people should STFU and just be happy for you, I'd think this was it. Apparently I'm wrong.

I let it go. I went on and pretended that there was nothing wrong and tried to involve her in some of the initial planning, like the engagement party. The entire time I was trying to involve her she seemed distant and uninterested. We all have our theories of why this is happening. Her argument is that she's busy. Most other people's is that she's jealous. She wanted nothing more than for her boyfriend to propose and he hasn't. Mine moved to me, she had to move to hers. Mine put me first in his life, choosing a school close to me, hers refused to make any changes except for letting her move in with him. Sucks for her, but be a friend for once.
This went on for a little longer. Then I noticed mail from her job here at my house (you know, the one she was living at) and I knew she'd been waiting for something. Long story short, I opened it and let her know that it was her check. Then, after doing absolutely nothing for me in months aside from cause headaches, she asked me to go to her bank (out of my way, I'm never near her bank), sign her check (absolutely illegal), and deposit it for her. When I explained to her that I'm kinda busy, what with trying to plan an engagement party without her help, she asked if I could then go to the bank, wait in line, pay for postage and mail it to her. BTW, I don't even have her new address because she never bothered to give it to me when she moved without saying goodbye. I once again told her I was too busy to do her bidding and she'd have to figure all of that out herself.
This one rejection of a demand threw life into a downward spiral that lasted 2 weeks. She informed me of how ungrateful I am, how self centered I am, how I rely on everyone else to take care of me, and how all I do is play the victim. This all came after I had (without her knowledge) sent her the check like she asked.

Now I'm sure that I can be slightly less than wonderful sometimes, but let me help you all to understand why I deserve to be spoken to like that.

-In high school I stuck by her side, even when her boyfriend was cheating on her. What happened when I told her? She called me a liar and didn't speak to me until other people told her the same thing. She later got back with him, and he ended up abusive, which I also warned her about.
-In college when I was home for one week for spring break, she couldn't find the time to meet my boyfriend or see me at all (because she was busy with that abusive bf of hers) and later blamed me for not caring. She didn't speak to me for 2 years.
-When her abusive bf finally broke up with her she posted all over fb about how alone she was, how nobody was there for her, and how she couldn't count on anyone. Being me I stepped back in and helped pick up the pieces.
-When I moved home we went back to best best best friends. With LCCWB that entails loaning her money, letting her borrow your car, helping her whenever she needs it and getting nothing in return. But that's my own dumb fault.
-About a year ago she spent enough money to no longer be able to afford to live on her own. Instead of turning my back on her I begged my mother to let her stay with us, just until she got back on her feet. My mom was skeptical but I suppose that she couldn't justify letting me be upset, so she worked out a rent agreement ($200 flat a month, I wish I could find that anywhere!!) and LCCWB moved in.
-Christmas time, a friend of ours was in town from Kentucky. LCCWB lies to me and goes to dinner with her and another friend, both of which had been trying to make plans with me, but I was waiting for an opening in LCCWBs schedule, since we were doing everything together. This was ok of course, because "You wouldn't have wanted to go anyway."
-LCCWB proceeds to stop paying my mother, using me to smooth over the problems she's caused herself.
-Things deteriorate, to the point where she's hit my mother's car, owes thousands of dollars in rent to my mother, continues to lie to me, and is using (or at least bringing) drugs in the house. This is behavior that is not tolerated, but I continue to try and help her out.

Then I find out that she's been talking about how dumb, ugly and rude I am behind my back, as well as lying about my (now) fiance, after all I've done for her. The girl must be damaged.

This situation has culminated in her ignoring me, so I called and told her that it's about time for her to nut up or shut up. Chick's got a voicemail that says she's a shit friend and person, and she can either change or get the f*ck out of my life. Yesterday I was hoping for the former, now I'm hoping for the later.

To continue to handle toxins is to tempt toxins into your body. Stay away from them and stay safe.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Long Story (not so) Short

   Everyone has a life story to tell, and this one will be mine. In one year I've gone from a "perfect" student, sister, friend, girlfriend, daughter and general person (from most people's points of view at least) to a non-graduate (for now), too-busy-to-be-bothered-and-lying-about-my-school-crap sister, fiancé rather than girlfriend, adult child rather than daughter, and (from one of the people who I really thought mattered) crap person. Things change, sometimes faster than you can even notice.
  First things first, super shouts to my darling friend over at for giving me the idea to vent, share and maybe even gather some ideas through blogging. Second, get ready for some serious, serious bitching (this whole life thing is taxing, and if you want to bitch, you can start a blog too). Third, maybe I'll actually get insightful and use the whole psychology thing to my benefit, and maybe someone else's too?

Wish me much luck!