Opposites Attract?

    Talk to most people and they'll be split about 50/50 on whether opposite personality types attract. Some people think that we all need a ying to our yang, while others feel like relationships with drastically different people are just too difficult. Talk to a psychologist that's studied relationships and human interaction and they'll tell you that opposites attracting is the exception, not the rule. Occasionally you'll see a content relationship with drastic opposites but the vast majority of relationships of any kind are based on fundamental similarities in personality types, values and a slew of other factors. We like people who are like us. A person that is too different just won't mesh into our lifestyle.
    Sometimes I think about this when it comes to Chris and I. We aren't the same in many aspects of our lives, but as we get closer and know each other longer I see that we really match up a lot better than I originally expected. Our energy levels are similar, our values are similar, our life priorities are so close it gets scary. We're two peas in a pod, me and that boy, and it makes for a pretty happy life. Sure, he has interests outside of mine and occasionally throws a curve ball that I didn't see coming, and I do the same, but for the most part we match up.
    This leads me into what I'm really all riled up about, (who didn't see this one coming?) of course it is LCCWB again. Chris let me in on a little insider tip that he noticed she's fucking up even more, showing how different she and I really are. I haven't really discussed much of the beginning of the relationship between Chris and I on this blog, but to make the story short and sweet it was a little rocky. His ex openly made it her goal to stop this relationship from happening, and made it clear she'd do anything she could to stop us from even getting off the ground. This included lying to everyone about she and him, telling him that they couldn't be friends if he was with me, making it a point to call him when she heard I'd be with him so I'd think they chatted all the time, trying to pit his friends against me and even going so far as to lie to his family and when they pointed it out becoming outraged that he would believe his brother over her. Not a pretty picture. It took 6 months or more for me to trust him enough (and for him to get her the fuck out of his life) for our relationship to move forward in a real way. Now he's moved twice and completely ignored any attempts at communication with her, and this seems like a method that's finally worked to get her out of our lives completely.
    Still, not to the point. Today when I got home from both jobs and a therapy appointment my darling fiance informed me that apparently LCCWB and crazy ex bitch have started hanging out, talking, being besties, etc. Now, I don't know why this would surprise me at all. I know for a fact that neither of these girls have the same values as I do. They're insanely similar, in fact. LCCWB has done things like the ex did to me in the past. For some reason, I'm still surprised and hurt that LCCWB could be so two-faced and bitchy that she would turn around and be best friends with someone who she said was ugly, awkward, bitchy and annoying. In essence, I'm wondering why people can't keep their values straight.
   If I'm going to say someone is a horrible bitchy person, I'll say it to them. I believe there are only 2 reasons why an individual wouldn't say what they've got to say in person. 1) They don't mean it. 2) They're too pussy to put it out there. Either way, I feel like if you can't say it to their face, DON'T SAY IT. It's simple kids. Mommy taught you that if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. I'm teaching you to back your shit up.
   Back to the point, me and LCCWB are obviously value opposites. We don't have the same ideas about loyalty, truthfulness or allegiance. She shows no respect for anyone, lies to her boyfriend, uses his family, cheats, and goes behind every person she knows backs. She'll very easily say that one of our friends husbands only married her for her money and then hug him and tell him how he's just the best guy ever. I've seen her do it. She does thing that I simply could not live with. We're opposites in activities and our views on a lot of other major issues.
    The question then becomes why did I bother with her for so long? The obvious things come to the surface... My value of loyalty and friendship, the fact that we were teens and had such a long history, not wanting to lose something I'd invested in. It could have been anything, even if it was a waste. But I've got a different theory, and I put it to you all:
    Perhaps opposites attract only to balance ourselves. This may be the reason for failed marriages, crazy benders, and bad decisions in general. At some point or another we must consider our standing in life, and how true to ourselves we are being. A perfect way to test this is by aligning ourselves with someone incredibly opposite and trying to make it work. If it does, we've changed along the way and that may be the source of our difficulty, and if it doesn't we know where we stand. Sometimes these experiments of self may last longer than others, but sooner or later we must figure it out.

Tired of being the bigger person?

    I have to admit, that actually makes me giggle a little. I've been swearing I'm going back to hitting the gym, but then we got this awful heatwave and job interviews and we just haven't had the time. Either way this isn't about body image issues. That would be dumb.
    Last night in a pretty drunken feeling of loveliness I decided that I shouldn't be so harsh on LCCWB's boyfriend. I mean, everyone had already told me that he lacks any autonomy and shouldn't be blamed for his actions. Like an uneducated 4 year old. I still want nothing to do with him, but I decided that I shouldn't be holding what he did against him. That could make someone think I didn't want them in my house. Kind of put a strain on another friendship. Right? Either way, I'm not happy about it, and in retrospect I think it was a horrible idea (simply because trying to be any level of nice to these people is a waste of time and effort) and I only wish I could take it back. Oh, it? I sent this message to him via facebook:

So as unhappy as I still am with you, and as much as I still don't want anything to do with you, after everything that's gone on I've been thinking a lot. And discussing it with my therapist. While my ultimate hope would be that you would meet an unfortunate and untimely end, that's probably not going to happen. Therefore I'm marrying someone who, for some reason, still considers you a friend.

I don't think you deserve him as a friend. He's too good to be treated the way you treat him, which is generally as an afterthought. In the time we've all known each other I don't think I've ever seen you put good old GA first, regardless of the situation. Lucky for me I've realized what real friends are, and who deserves to be considered a friend by me, and you and LCCWB don't fit into that category. Unfortunately he hasn't figured out that he deserves better yet. You're a shit friend to him, but the ending point is that for some fucked up reason he still considers you to be a friend.

That being said, if you ever decided to put him first and, oh I don't know, want to come visit him and show your support for his new life with med school and engagements and moving on with everything (which I highly doubt you could ever find time in your oh so busy schedule to come see one of your "best friends") go ahead and do it. You can stay here and see him all you want. I, however won't be staying here if you plan to do that so I'd like advance notice.

You're disrespectful lying girlfriend is still not welcome here and never will be, so I'd suggest against bringing her here, even if I'm not.

Now, I wish I had sent something that said: 

Fuck off and die asshat. You're a little bitch boy that doesn't deserve a part in my life even if it is only through someone else. You and your girlfriend are worthless, the only people who would miss you if you were dead would be your parents, cuz hers certainly don't care. In all reality, though, it would probably lift a burden from your parents if you two died, since they're financing your life together. I mean I'm sure waitressing is really covering all of those bills. No? Right, well maybe suicide pact then? Do everyone a favor. 

    But that would also be a little off base, right? At least then I could be like "Oh, so sorry I acted as immaturely and awful as LCCWB does on a regular basis, but I was wasted! WASTED! Not my fault. That is what we say when we're a cunt right? We don't take responsibility? No? Great!"

    The long and short of it is that in my inebriated state, for just a little while, even if it wasn't in the nicest way, I started to put someone's feelings just a little over my own. I don't want that jerk here. I don't ever want to think of him or his girlfriend again. But my fiance, the love of my life, hasn't realized that he's a worthless fuck head yet. He still wants to be friends or whatever. So I didn't want one of my future husbands "friends" feeling unwelcome in our home. That would be awful.  I like to be a good host and the last thing I want to do is make someone uncomfortable. For the last 6 months LCCWB lived at my house she managed to make me so uncomfortable I didn't even stay there very often at all. I spend more time there now that I've officially moved out than I did when she was living there. All because I felt like I couldn't be in my own house. It was awful and I didn't want that for someone else. 

    The response I got? Nothing. I had to unblock him to send the message and be (psuedo) nice to him. He returned the gesture by ignoring it and blocking me. Now in all reality it was probably LCCWB who intercepted the message (she looked over his shoulder for his password like 2 weeks into their relationship and has been fucking with his shit ever since) and acted that way so there would be no way he could know I was trying to be nice. That's the kind of manipulative bullshit that she would do to avoid having to look like the bad person. Nearly everything out of her mouth is a lie, and she only tells the truth if it might benefit her. For her boyfriend to know that his friend's fiance was  a decent person, contrary to what she had told him would shatter things for her. 

    Long story short, this is just one more example of how I shouldn't bother with people in general, but especially people who have proven themselves to not be worth it. That couple, aside from introducing us, has done nothing good for either Chris or I in over a year. Not been a positive or supportive influence. Not helped or even really listened to anything we had to say. Not even shown the respect that any human being deserves towards us. They don't deserve for me to try to be nice to them. I only wish my darling fiance could recognize that as well and stop talking to them. Let go of a crap friendship that hasn't produced anything positive in over years. 

    Lessons like that are hard to learn, and I wish that I had the support of my other half so I could learn it too. It's like smoking. We're quitting treating ourselves like shit, and it's easier to quit something if you've got someone else there with you.  

Just because you close a chapter doesn't mean it'll stay closed.

    I've been doing really well with everything in my life. Scored a job interview for something in my field, worked out some issues with the future husband, and have been working really hard in therapy. Like I've said before, I'm done with the LCCWB situation. She's out of my life and not welcome to return. I was finally separating myself from it and it felt good.
    There is only one hang up with this situation. My fiance feels the way that I do about friendships. Some friends are family to us and relationships like that shouldn't just be let go. Unfortunately this means he has an attachment to her boyfriend, a guy that my honey has known since high school. At one point Chris had decided, like I had, that this parallel couple didn't need to be a part of our lives. This, however, has changed for him in his desperation to maintain the relationships he'd worked so hard to form years ago. Unfortunately for me this means he felt that it would be most beneficial to ask the pussy ass boyfriend to apologize to me.
    This apology was too little too late. Between the name calling and threatening that he did to me I feel like a genuine apology would have to have come far sooner, simply when he cooled off and realized what he'd done was wrong, much like my apology to his Lying Cheating Cuntfaced Whore Bitch girlfriend did. The time that has passed since all of this started is too much time. If you're truly sorry you would have made it a point to express that a long time ago. You also wouldn't need to be prompted by my darling husband to be. Too little, too late.
    Furthermore, the last time I spoke to this individual I told him to lose my number, not to call or contact me again. I told him that he and his girlfriend were no longer welcome in my life, my home, or anywhere around me. I wanted them to drop off the face of my earth and leave me alone. They'd already done enough to make me unhappy... I didn't need anymore. So, at this point, even if he felt the need to apologize he shouldn't have gone directly to me, but rather asked Chris to see if it was ok with me to contact me. I would have said it wasn't. If you can't respect me or my wishes there is no way that I will have a relationship with you in any way.
    Why can't this just go away? I'm exhausted. I don't do well with hating people, or even staying angry for very long. This is why I just want it to go away. We live hundreds of miles from them. We don't travel in the same circles anymore, with the exception of 2 friends. I'm not interested in reconciliation. Not now, not ever. I deserve better than that and decided that I'm going to do my best to give that to myself.
    If my fiance wants to associate with people that have no respect for me and can cause me so much pain, it sucks but it's the way it is. We are separate entities and therefore have the right to maintain friendships that don't involve one another. Quite frankly, as long as I don't have to see or hear from those people, I'm fine with it. This will have to be worked out by the time we make a guest list for the wedding, but until then I just don't care. As long as I don't have to deal with it.

So much time wasted, so much future to fix it.

    So lots of people close to me have noticed that I've been having a rough time lately. I'm still so totally broken up about the way things between LCCWB and I went down that I slipped into a little depression. Now, I know that this is stupid, and that a person who doesn't deserve to be in your life shouldn't be in your thoughts, but it shows how devastated I've been by losing someone who I put so much time and effort into.
    I tried to help someone at every point when they needed it. I supported this person and was honest with them. When they were down, I helped them up. I lent them money, spent time with them whenever they wanted companionship, picked up the pieces every time they didn't listen to my advice and got hurt. I went so far as to offer them a place in my family home when they couldn't afford to live on their own anymore and was looking at living out of their car because even their family wouldn't take them in. I gave this person everything I had to give, emotionally, monetarily and in any other way that I could. After almost 2 decades, when I'm finally tapped out, she's decided that she's done and doesn't care for our friendship anymore. While I find this really hurtful, some people close to me make some really good points. They continue to be adamant that she's jealous (this was discussed in an earlier post) and believe that she's the type of person that uses those around her for whatever they're good for. Once they're not useful anymore she leaves them and never looks back. Unfortunately that's something that other people who've extended a helping hand to her corroborate. I hate to know that I'm such a poor judge of character that I invested so much into someone worth so little. Of course I don't mean worth so little in a sense of what she ever did for me, because I never asked her for a thing and she never gave anything without being begged. I simply mean that someone who can't realize the value of a friendship that has given them so much isn't worth the friendship.
    People have pointed out that she's probably not thinking about it nearly as much as I have. That may be one of the most hurtful parts of this whole situation. I think about people that I met years ago, and only saw once, and the impact they've had on me and how it continues. I know that LCCWB doesn't care to remember anything good anyone has done for her. I'm absolutely flabbergasted that people can be so ungrateful with no though whatsoever. It sucks.
   Most of you know that I'm in therapy, and thank god for that. I have a lot of issues feeling like I'm not worth being treated well. I feel responsible for the bad things that happen, even if I had no hand in it. I wonder consistently why people are there for me and feel indebted to them. I ask for nothing because I feel like I don't deserve anyone's help, love or affection. These are things I work on regularly in therapy. I've even been finding myself using some CBT techniques (nobody tell Tom) to try and help me regain the ground I've lost in this situation.
    I've talked to a lot of people about this, I simply need to. Even my ex has been a wonderful support. I've just been in a really bad place right now. I've been so upset I can't plan for my wedding, even considering makes me want to cry. I've felt isolated and alone, and I've got no girl to chat it up with. Chris assures me that we'll be making new friends, but I don't even want to. My faith in humanity is dwindling, and why try with another person just to be hurt again? 
    Today, when I woke up feeling shitty about the situation again, I decided that it's over. I'm done letting myself beat myself up about someone else's shit behavior. Back to the gym, continuing with therapy, and making the most of the life we have.

No kittens today, and for a good reason. Pretty much everyone agrees that Georgie boy was either the bitch in question or her ball-less pussy boyfriend. See, they didn't have enough guts to say or do anything directly, but were obsessed enough to read and attack the blog. Now that they've been blocked from every media we've got this blog posted on, George is silent. Awkward... But not really. Stupid douche bags.

Being an absent bitch doesn't mean you'll go away

Some of you may have noticed that my previous post was adapted to exclude the name of a person who will forevermore be referred to as LCCWB (totally check out the abbreviation if you don't know what it means). This change has come about because she had her boyfriend (somewhat threateningly I might add) tell me to take it down. "It would be in your best interest" he said. Well, you know what's in my best interest dicks? Having decent friends. This couple has made it apparent that they are not. Therefore Chris and I won't be able to include them in our wedding festivities at any point. I will not stop blogging, and with the exception of the loving new nickname, I won't be making other changes. I sincerely hope the the boyfriend in question wakes up one day and realizes that LCCWB will live up to this abbreviation and he will eventually suffer as well, even if it is when he's in his 50s and he sees that he's wasted his life on someone not worth it. Although I do pray for him that it's sooner.

I sincerely wish the best for LCCWB's boyfriend. I also wish that LCCWB would get her karma dose soon, because it's long overdue.

Once again, in case you didn't notice in my first post, this blog will be filled with bitching. It will not be sunshine and flowers unless I'm feeling sunshiney and flowery. If you don't like it, don't read it. This isn't for you, for once I'm doing something for me.