Gay marriage passed on Friday June 26th. It is now two months later and I have shocking news. I'm not married to a gay woman.
My marriage didn't dissolve. I didn't suddenly find myself attracted to women. The apocalypse didn't occur. The nation has not crumbled. Nobody spontaneously combusted. My husband didn't start frequenting gay bars and picking up men. He hasn't found himself disinterested in our marriage in favor of the company of men. In short, nothing changed.
Here's what has happened. There are thousands of couples that, should they choose to pursue marriage, have the same rights I do. There are people that can sit at the bed side of their partner if they are injured or ill. People can distribute property upon their death appropriately. Mostly, people can finally be equal in the eyes of the law.
Second step? Convincing the churches to recognize these beautiful unions so that the faithful can have equal marriages. Good luck with that, religion.
Young lovers across the world give each other mix tapes. It's phenomenon that we may never really understand. This Valentine's Day I thought I'd look over the first two tapes (CDs, but leave me the nostalgia or hipsterism of calling them tapes, please) I made for Chris. We're going to have to split them up, and honestly I should split them even further. This is just tape #1, and it's got 24 tracks, so buckle up your seat belts, grab some headphones, and laugh. Try to remember that I'd been way out of practice. Chris had not, he'd already given me at least one, maybe 3 by this point. I hadn't tried this for quite some time. Some of these songs have important lyrics, some of them have lyrics and explanations. You won't like all of them. So, with that in mind, lets give it a look? Song Number 1: Let It Be Sung, Jack Johnson
"Why don't I just give you everything you'll take from me? 'Cuz nobody owns anything and everyone is free.... And I know what your heart is telling you, 'cuz my heart's telling me the same thing too."
This is adorable, and true. Things were complicated, but I was open at that point. I knew that Chris was different, special, and... well, I can't put words to it, but I knew it would stick. Song #2 Here Comes Your Man
"There is a wait so long, you'll never wait so long, here comes your man." Screw you if you say I didn't wait for this man. I had a chance to take on full lives with other people, but I couldn't settle for something or someone I'd eventually hate. Song #3 I Want To Know Your Plans, Say Anything
I shouldn't have to help anyone with this one... Song #4 Put Your Hands On Me, Joss Stone
"I guess I'm picky with love .Well baby I give it up it's you I choose and don't keep me waiting. This girl's got things she needs to do. Oh if I was blind, you'd help me see. If I lost my mind, you'd find it for me.Speak on it babe, tell me what do you need, because all I need is for you to love me baby....
Can't stop my mind from thinking of you. How am I supposed to function? Got me feelin' for your lips on my kiss all night, never want no other lover." Everyone's got a little modern soul, right? We all need some loving. ;) Song #5 She's So Lovely, Scouting for Girls
"It's easy to tease me. You never ever look that pleased to see me. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know how we'll make it through this." Things were not always easy, but he kept grabbing my attention. Song #6 Voice On Tape, Jenny Owen Youngs
"And you say that I don't have this down,but I've been practicing out loud.I want you back and forth. I want you up and down. I want you back and forth......" I wanted Chris however he was, no matter what. Song #7 Addicted to Company, Paddy Casey
"And is there something you're not sure of? Are you looking for a sign? Waiting for somebody to throw your heart a line? Or a quick and easy answer In a dark, uneasy time?Maybe that's alright. That's enough for tonight.And that's alright. That's enough for tonight." We didn't have to be serious right away, it was ok. But we were anyway. Song #8 Aeroplane Over The Sea, Neutral Milk Hotel
And one day we will die And our ashes will fly From the aeroplane over the sea But for now we are young Let us lay in the sun And count every beautiful thing we can see Love to be In the arms of all I'm keeping here with me
What a curious life We have found here tonight There is music that sounds from the street There are lights in the clouds Anna's ghost all around Hear her voice as it's rolling and ringing through me Soft and sweet How the notes all bend and reach above the trees Song #9 Everything, Michael Buble
"And you play it coy but it's kinda cute. Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do. Baby don't pretend that you don't know it's true 'cause you can see it when I look at you.And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times It's you, it's you, you make me sing." Chris loved my singing. I'd done an open mic before I gave him this awesome mix, and he said he wished he could be there. I wore something of his so that if I got nervous I could just squeeze, like I do with his hands. Song #10 First Day of My Life, Bright Eyes
"Remember the time you drove all night just to meet me in the morning? And I thought it was strange you said everything changed. You felt as if you'd just woke up. And you said “this is the first day of my life. I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you, but now I don’t care I could go anywhere with you and I’d probably be happy.” This one's super legit. Things used to matter to me pretty much a lot. Money, jobs, house, all of it. Chris changed that. Song #11 Tell Me Again, Ron Sexsmith
"You look into my eyes and the words you say help me to realize love won’t ever fade, but I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Please tell me again. No, I can’t believe what I’m feeling, please tell me again." This girl had just gotten out of a serious relationship and had no plans for a new one. It was scary, but comforting at the same time. It was love. Song #12 Sunday Morning, Maroon 5
"Sunday morning, rain is falling. Steal some covers, share some skin. Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable, you twist to fit the mold that I am in. But things just get so crazy, living life gets hard to do and I would gladly hit the road, get up and go if I knew that someday it would lead me back to you." But it doesn't always lead you back. I learned that and felt poorly about it for a little while. So there's no leaving this one... Not ever. Song #13 F-Stop Blues, Jack Johnson
"Look who's laughing now that you've wasted how many years and you've barely even tasted anything remotely close to everything you've boasted about." Can we take a minute to appreciate this video? Love so much! In all seriousness. Chris had been in a long relationship. He even considered asking her to marry him at one point a long time ago. But he'd never lived life like he should have. I wanted to help, so we laughed together. Song #14 Stupid Cupid, Mandy Moore
"You mixed me up for good right from the very start. Hey, go play Robin Hood, with somebody else's heart. You've got me jumpin' like a crazy clown,and I don't feature what you're putting down. Since I kissed his loving lips of wine, the thing that bothers me is that I like it fine.
Hey hey, set me free. Stupid Cupid, stop picking on me." Yea, this thing hit hard and fast. I loved it, but sometimes I felt like I was too much in love, way too early. NOT FAIR! Song #15 Daydreamer, Adele
"Is the subject of their talk. He would be hard to chase but good to catch, and he could change the world with his hands behind his back." Angie oh sorry, my ex best friend and I, used to talk about Chris and this other dude. All the time. At that point we both thought they could be that future one. Now I hear we're both marrying them, and I'm pleased. I'll have the rest of my life to see what changes to the world Chris can make.
Song #16 Porchrail, Jenny Owen Youngs
"Don't move or blink, I just need a minute to sit and think. I've got a span of attention as long as my teeth. Every urge I let swing me turns tragically brief. There's nothing more attractive than that one thing you just can't have." It wasn't for sure yet. We had a way to go before we were solid, and I'm like a time bomb. Turns out he's a bomb diffusion technician. Song #17 Grey or Blue, Jaymay
Let's enjoy this serendipidy moment. "Are you too nervous to be lovers, friendships ruined with just one kiss. I watched you very closely I saw you look away your eyes are either gray or blue I'm never close enough to say. But your sweatshirt says it all with the hood over your face. I can't keep staring at your mouth without wondering how it tastes. I'm with another boy; he's asleep, I'm wide awake and he tried to win my heart, but it's taken time...I know the shape of your hands because I watch them when you talk, and I know the shape of your body 'cause I watch it when you walk, and I want to know it all but im giving you the lead. So go on, go on and take it, don't fake it"
Song #18 You're The Reason I Come Home, Ron Pope
"The street's asleep so I breathe you in deep. The tragedies of chemistry. People dream of what you and me have found effortlessly. You're the reason I come home. You're the reason I come home my love. You're the reason that when everything I know falls apart. You're the reason I come home."
It wasn't too long before we noticed that home was together. Now we try to be home as often as we can, no matter our geographical locations.
Song #19 Sugar Town, Zooey Deschenel
"If I had a million dollars or ten, I'd give it to your world and then, you'd go away and let me spend my life in shu shu shu, shu shu shu, shu shu shu shu shu shu Sugar Town." Song #20 She Gave Me Love, The Getaway People
"I met my baby by the station. She said: "Can I help you with some information?"'Cause your train gets out at a quarter to five, but you could stay a while, you and I could get funky to the rhythm of the choo-choo-train dancin' in the pourin' rain. I found myself in the most beautiful of situations..." And I did find myself in the most beautiful of situations. In some whirlwind romance that I never asked for or expected. Song #21 405, Death Cab for Cutie
"Red wine and the cigarettes... hide your bad habits underneath the patio." Everyone knows there are things we'd like to keep to ourselves. We don't all do it. Song #22 Wouldn't It Be Nice, Beach Boys
Wouldn't it be nice if we were older Then we wouldn't have to wait so long And wouldn't it be nice to live together In the kind of world where we belong
You know its gonna make it that much better When we can say goodnight and stay together
Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up In the morning when the day is new And after having spent the day together Hold each other close the whole night through
Happy times together we've been spending I wish that every kiss was never ending Wouldn't it be nice
Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true Baby then there wouldn't be a single thing we couldnt do We could be married And then wed be happy
Wouldn't it be nice
You know it seems the more we talk about it It only makes it worse to live without it But lets talk about it Wouldn't it be nice Song #23 You and I, Ingrid Michealson
"Maybe I think you're cute and funny, Maybe I wanna do want bunnies do with you if you know what I mean... Well you might be a bit confused, and you might be a little bit bruised, but baby how we spoon like no one else. So I will help you read those books, if you will soothe my worried looks, and we will put the lonesome on the shelf." This is the song I sang at the open mic, with the help of a dear friend of course. The song that by the end of singing I had letters and marks from the metal I was clutching super hard in my hand. Ever since then he started liking the song too. Song #24 Tomorrow Morning, Jack Johnson
Well that's alright If that's alright 2000 miles were still And that's alright And that's alright If that's alright I'll see you in the morning If that's alright And what would you do if I wrote you a song Would you give me some lovin' when I get home Or would you be mad at me if I had a hard time Gettin a hold of you I try all the time And I think that You don't know anybody that could be So bad But if you did You'd be wonderin' where I'm at Well I'll be home when tomorrow mornin comes What would you do if i sang you this song The connection is bad but that's only the phone 'Cause when my words kiss your ear I'll be right there The message is long 'Cause baby this is your song I think that You don't know anybody that could be So bad But if you did You'd be wonderin' where I'm at Well I'll be home when tomorrow mornin And I think that You don't know anybody that could be So bad But if you did You'd be wonderin' where I'm at Well I'll be home when tomorrow mornin And that's alright 'Cause I'll be home when tomorrow mornin And that's alright 'Cause I'll be home when tomorrow mornin comes.
And it is alright. Because I get to be with him for the rest of our lives. I've made him promise to die first so I'd never have to be without him. Call it cheesy, call it lame, call it whatever you want. I'll just keep calling it love.
I love you today, tomorrow and forever. Happy Valentine's day Chris.
Things are coming up awesome for the couple that is Chris and Danielle. I've scored a job that is (relatively) well paying and seems like it will be a lot of fun while still being flexible so we can maintain a life outside of work. We both got calls this week from jobs we didn't think we'd gotten asking us to come work for them, and stood up for ourselves, telling both of them to suck it. We'd moved on and don't feel obligated to companies that didn't show the interest in us that we showed in them. It's a big step for us. I've been working on cooking home made recipes so we save some money and doing a pretty good job at it! Everything is coming up (current and future) Harris!
Unfortunately its when everything is going awesome that I start to get super anxious. Everything is wonderful, so something must be waiting in the wings to go wrong, right? This is a classic self-sabotaging thing that I always always always do, and I've got to stop it. So anyone reading that talks to Tom DON'T TELL HIM what I'm about to tell you! I've started to keep a list of the arbitrary anxieties so that I can work with my therapist more productively. Tom would love that. So don't tell him.
Things are going in the right direction in our lives, we just have to keep them on track. I'm thinking of starting another blog (simply because it's continuously growing so I don't think I could jam it all in here) about what I've learned about marriage through our engagement. This is inspired by a darling friend of mine, Alyssa. Maybe I should change her name too, hahahha bitches. She has so much knowledge to share about planning a wedding, she's full of DIY secrets and bargains that every bride should be let in on. She seems to think that I've got some kind of insight to marriage from living together. I think we should share and cooperate! We'll see if that goes anywhere.
In life, things get difficult and sometimes they really shouldn't. One day I'll learn how to let things go the way that they are going and just be happy. Wish me luck!
