And you can see the daisies in her footsteps!

    Young lovers across the world give each other mix tapes. It's phenomenon that we may never really understand. This Valentine's Day I thought I'd look over the first two tapes (CDs, but leave me the nostalgia or hipsterism of calling them tapes, please) I made for Chris. We're going to have to split them up, and honestly  I should split them even further. This is just tape #1, and it's got 24 tracks, so buckle up your seat belts, grab some headphones, and laugh.      
     Try to remember that I'd been way out of practice. Chris had not, he'd already given me at least one, maybe 3 by this point. I hadn't tried this for quite some time. Some of these songs have important lyrics, some of them have lyrics and explanations. You won't like all of them. So, with that in mind, lets give it a look?


Song Number 1: Let It Be Sung, Jack Johnson

"Why don't I just give you everything you'll take from me? 'Cuz nobody owns anything and everyone is free.... And I know what your heart is telling you, 'cuz my heart's telling me the same thing too."

This is adorable, and true. Things were complicated, but I was open at that point. I knew that Chris was different, special, and... well, I can't put words to it, but I knew it would stick.

Song #2 Here Comes Your Man

"There is a wait so long, you'll never wait so long, here comes your man."

Screw you if you say I didn't wait for this man. I had a chance to take on full lives with other people, but I couldn't settle for something or someone I'd eventually hate. 

Song #3 I Want To Know Your Plans, Say Anything

I shouldn't have to help anyone with this one...

Song #4 Put Your Hands On Me, Joss Stone

"I guess I'm picky with love .Well baby I give it up it's you I choose and don't keep me waiting. This girl's got things she needs to do. Oh if I was blind, you'd help me see. If I lost my mind, you'd find it for me. Speak on it babe, tell me what do you need, because all I need is for you to love me baby....

Can't stop my mind from thinking of you. How am I supposed to function? Got me feelin' for your lips on my kiss all night, never want no other lover."
Everyone's got a little modern soul, right? We all need some loving. ;)
Song #5 She's So Lovely, Scouting for Girls

"It's easy to tease me. You never ever look that pleased to see me. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know how we'll make it through this."
Things were not always easy, but he kept grabbing my attention.

Song #6 Voice On Tape, Jenny Owen Youngs

"And you say that I don't have this down,but I've been practicing out loud.I want you back and forth. I want you up and down. I want you back and forth......"
I wanted Chris however he was, no matter what. 

Song #7 Addicted to Company, Paddy Casey

"And is there something you're not sure of? Are you looking for a sign? Waiting for somebody to throw your heart a line? Or a quick and easy answer In a dark, uneasy time?Maybe that's alright. That's enough for tonight. And that's alright. That's enough for tonight."
We didn't have to be serious right away, it was ok. But we were anyway.

Song #8 Aeroplane Over The Sea, Neutral Milk Hotel

And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see
Love to be
In the arms of all I'm keeping here with me

What a curious life
We have found here tonight
There is music that sounds from the street
There are lights in the clouds
Anna's ghost all around
Hear her voice as it's rolling and ringing through me
Soft and sweet
How the notes all bend and reach above the trees

Song #9 Everything, Michael Buble

"And you play it coy but it's kinda cute. Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do. Baby don't pretend that you don't know it's true 'cause you can see it when I look at you. And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times It's you, it's you, you make me sing."
Chris loved my singing. I'd done an open mic before I gave him this awesome mix, and he said he wished he could be there. I wore something of his so that if I got nervous I could just squeeze, like I do with his hands.

Song #10 First Day of My Life, Bright Eyes

"Remember the time you drove all night just to meet me in the morning? And I thought it was strange you said everything changed. You felt as if you'd just woke up. And you said “this is the first day of my life. I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you, but now I don’t care I could go anywhere with you and I’d probably be happy.”
This one's super legit. Things used to matter to me pretty much a lot. Money, jobs, house, all of it. Chris changed that. 

Song #11 Tell Me Again, Ron Sexsmith

"You look into my eyes and the words you say help me to realize love won’t ever fade, but I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Please tell me again. No, I can’t believe what I’m feeling, please tell me again."
This girl had just gotten out of a serious relationship and had no plans for a new one. It was scary, but comforting at the same time. It was love.

Song #12 Sunday Morning, Maroon 5

"Sunday morning, rain is falling. Steal some covers, share some skin. Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable, you twist to fit the mold that I am in. But things just get so crazy, living life gets hard to do and I would gladly hit the road, get up and go if I knew that someday it would lead me back to you."
But it doesn't always lead you back. I learned that and felt poorly about it for a little while. So there's no leaving this one... Not ever.

Song #13 F-Stop Blues, Jack Johnson

"Look who's laughing now that you've wasted how many years and you've barely even tasted anything remotely close to everything you've boasted about." 
Can we take a minute to appreciate this video? Love so much! In all seriousness. Chris had been in a long relationship. He even considered asking her to marry him at one point a long time ago. But he'd never lived life like he should have. I wanted to help, so we laughed together.

Song #14 Stupid Cupid, Mandy Moore 

"You mixed me up for good right from the very start. Hey, go play Robin Hood, with somebody else's heart. You've got me jumpin' like a crazy clown, and I don't feature what you're putting down. Since I kissed his loving lips of wine, the thing that bothers me is that I like it fine.

Hey hey, set me free. Stupid Cupid, stop picking on me."
Yea, this thing hit hard and fast. I loved it, but sometimes I felt like I was too much in love, way too early. NOT FAIR!

Song #15 Daydreamer, Adele

"Is the subject of their talk. He would be hard to chase but good to catch, and he could change the world with his hands behind his back."
Angie oh sorry, my ex best friend and I, used to talk about Chris and this other dude. All the time. At that point we both thought they could be that future one. Now I hear we're both marrying them, and I'm pleased. I'll have the rest of my life to see what changes to the world Chris can make. 

Song #16 Porchrail, Jenny Owen Youngs

"Don't move or blink, I just need a minute to sit and think. I've got a span of attention as long as my teeth. Every urge I let swing me turns tragically brief. There's nothing more attractive than that one thing you just can't have." 
It wasn't for sure yet. We had a way to go before we were solid, and I'm like a time bomb. Turns out he's a bomb diffusion technician. 

Song #17 Grey or Blue, Jaymay

Let's enjoy this serendipidy moment. 

"Are you too nervous to be lovers, friendships ruined with just one kiss. I watched you very closely I saw you look away your eyes are either gray or blue I'm never close enough to say. But your sweatshirt says it all with the hood over your face. I can't keep staring at your mouth without wondering how it tastes. I'm with another boy; he's asleep, I'm wide awake and he tried to win my heart, but it's taken time...I know the shape of your hands because I watch them when you talk, and I know the shape of your body 'cause I watch it when you walk, and I want to know it all but im giving you the lead. So go on, go on and take it, don't fake it"


Song #18 You're The Reason I Come Home, Ron Pope

"The street's asleep so I breathe you in deep. The tragedies of chemistry. People dream of what you and me have found effortlessly. You're the reason I come home. You're the reason I come home my love. You're the reason that when everything I know falls apart. You're the reason I come home."

It wasn't too long before we noticed that home was together. Now we try to be home as often as we can, no matter our geographical locations. 

Song #19 Sugar Town, Zooey Deschenel

"If I had a million dollars or ten, I'd give it to your world and then, you'd go away and let me spend my life in shu shu shu, shu shu shu, shu shu shu shu shu shu Sugar Town."


Song #20 She Gave Me Love, The Getaway People

"I met my baby by the station. She said: "Can I help you with some information?"'Cause your train gets out at a quarter to five, but you could stay a while, you and I could get funky to the rhythm of the choo-choo-train dancin' in the pourin' rain. I found myself in the most beautiful of situations..."
And I did find myself in the most beautiful of situations. In some whirlwind romance that I never asked for or expected. 

Song #21 405, Death Cab for Cutie

"Red wine and the cigarettes... hide your bad habits underneath the patio."
Everyone knows there are things we'd like to keep to ourselves. We don't all do it.


Song #22 Wouldn't It Be Nice, Beach Boys

Wouldn't it be nice if we were older 
Then we wouldn't have to wait so long 
And wouldn't it be nice to live together 
In the kind of world where we belong 

You know its gonna make it that much better 
When we can say goodnight and stay together 

Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up 
In the morning when the day is new 
And after having spent the day together 
Hold each other close the whole night through 

Happy times together we've been spending 
I wish that every kiss was never ending 
Wouldn't it be nice 

Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true 
Baby then there wouldn't be a single thing we couldnt do 
We could be married 
And then wed be happy 

Wouldn't it be nice 

You know it seems the more we talk about it 
It only makes it worse to live without it 
But lets talk about it 
Wouldn't it be nice

Song #23 You and I, Ingrid Michealson

"Maybe I think you're cute and funny, Maybe I wanna do want bunnies do with you if you know what I mean...
Well you might be a bit confused, and you might be a little bit bruised, but baby how we spoon like no one else. So I will help you read those books, if you will soothe my worried looks, and we will put the lonesome on the shelf."
This is the song I sang at the open mic, with the help of a dear friend of course. The song that by the end of singing I had letters and marks from the metal I was clutching super hard in my hand. Ever since then he started liking the song too. 


Song #24 Tomorrow Morning, Jack Johnson

Well that's alright
If that's alright
2000 miles were still
And that's alright
And that's alright
If that's alright
I'll see you in the morning
If that's alright
And what would you do if I wrote you a song
Would you give me some lovin' when I get home
Or would you be mad at me if I had a hard time
Gettin a hold of you
I try all the time
And I think that
You don't know anybody that could be
So bad
But if you did
You'd be wonderin' where I'm at
Well I'll be home when tomorrow mornin comes
What would you do if i sang you this song
The connection is bad but that's only the phone
'Cause when my words kiss your ear
I'll be right there
The message is long
'Cause baby this is your song
I think that
You don't know anybody that could be
So bad
But if you did
You'd be wonderin' where I'm at
Well I'll be home when tomorrow mornin
And I think that
You don't know anybody that could be
So bad
But if you did
You'd be wonderin' where I'm at
Well I'll be home when tomorrow mornin
And that's alright
'Cause I'll be home when tomorrow mornin
And that's alright
'Cause I'll be home when tomorrow mornin comes.

And it is alright. Because I get to be with him for the rest of our lives. I've made him promise to die first so I'd never have to be without him. Call it cheesy, call it lame, call it whatever you want. I'll just keep calling it love. 

 









I love you today, tomorrow and forever. Happy Valentine's day Chris. 

A cat, a rat, a woman and a man. That's what we call a family.

    Chris is visiting me for the first time in a while, and so much has gone on since my last blog post. Life is fluid, it's constantly changing, and healthy people change with it.
    Since my last post I've applied for/ interviewed for a job in State College to start taking steps in my career as well as get closer to Chris. I've applied to a few jobs around here as well, and today I scheduled training for an outpatient therapy job in North Philly. Sometimes I feel like there aren't very many options for me in my field right now, other times I feel like there are too many choices. I'm constantly reminded of the studies that show how people with more choices have higher rates of depression and anxiety, and I relate. While deciding on my next step I have a lot of anxiety about making the right decisions not just for myself, but for everyone involved. I want to make the choices that will benefit my family (both the one I was born into and the one I'm working on creating), my clients, my career, my bank account, my education, and the parts of the world that I touch. It's a lot to take in and a lot to consider when making decisions such as where to work and where to live. My conclusion so far? Apply anywhere I find interesting and when offers come in compare and contrast them and take what looks the best. The thing about it is that I'm apparently rather marketable... a 23 year old master of psychology is something that people seem to interested in.
    While I've been making these decisions Chris has been away in State College, studying and having fun. Our decision to have him got there was a tough one, but what he didn't know until recently is that I pretty much made the decision for him. Since his move here he's seemed like he missed his college life, complaining often about not being able to be with his friends and talking about how cool he thought State College was. I don't necessarily feel the same way and have even felt like I would rather be anywhere but there at points. With all of this I decided to push him to go back. I felt like this would give him the opportunity to return to his ideal college world with his friends... and without his fiance. He could spend some time independent of me and the responsibilities that come with a serious relationship (while maintaining fidelity, of course). He could play in the world that I feel like I grew out of a while ago and figure some things out, grow up and out of it, and figure out what exactly it was about that place and those people that he missed so much. All in all, I'd say this has been a successful venture, even though we've missed each other quite a bit.
    Now that Chris has nearly had his fill of frat boy type college behavior and realized what he finds to be truly important he seems ready to come back here for multiple reasons. The irony of the situation is that while I've been finding a career path close to State College, he's found one close to me. It's quite a Gift of the Magi situation. At this point he's adopted my philosophy of pursing interesting opportunities and waiting until offers come in. Once we've got some things on the table we hope to be able to be back together and back to building our future again.
    Another decision that has come up is that I've decided I will be making application to doctoral programs. I'm ready for the next step in my education, and I haven't given up on the idea of being Dr. Danielle. I know I can do it, I'm certainly good enough, and it is what I want in the long term. Lucky for my I've got an amazing support system to stand behind me and help me achieve my dreams. Between my family, Chris, and the few awesome friends that I have I know that I've got enough people to help me, guide me, and support me through any decision I make. So, ladies and gentleman, if you have suggestions of a doctoral program I should look into feel free to share. I've only got 3 that I know I'm applying to and I'd like to bump that number up to 6.
    In mundane news, my baby sister is coming home for spring break next week so I'm super pumped. It's always nice when our little family can be together. I'm looking at new cars because mine is 12 years old and I don't think that it would hurt to have a more grown up car, what with me being a grown up now and all that. Chris and I still have no date for the wedding, which I really appreciate. I don't think I could handle the stress of wedding planning right now and it's comforting to know that the man who asked me to marry him isn't pushing me to find the time to actually do it either. It's nice to have someone who is on the same page with you, regardless of where that page is in the book.


I try to recognize just how lucky I am on a regular basis. I am blessed with so many things others don't necessarily have. Some of these things have been dropped into my lap by good fortune, others came about from a lot of hard work and determination. Either way, I am one lucky girl. There is no question about that.