Knowing how to say "I'm sorry."

    Working with small children the word "sorry" gets thrown around a lot. "It's ok" is another phrase that usually follows it. As children we learn that when we do something wrong we apologize (even if we aren't really sorry) and we also learn that when someone says they're sorry you accept their apology (even if you really don't).
     As adults we learn that we don't have to say that we're sorry if we aren't. Occasionally we may throw out an apology that we don't completely stand behind simply to move past a situation, keep the peace, appease others, or even just to look like a nice person. We apologize for many reasons, and not all of them are because we are sincerely sorry. More importantly we learn that we do not have to accept these apologies. We can listen to them or not, and make up our minds to let the situation go and accept the apology, accept it under conditions such as change in behavior or some type of penance, or not accept it at all and leave the apologizer to live with the knowledge that they have done something we feel is unforgivable. In the last situation we are presented with yet another decision, which is to continue in whatever type of relationship we were engaged in, or end said relationship due to the indiscretion.
    We learn these things as adults fairly early. Something I don't think we necessarily learn in a timely manner is when and how to be and say that we are sorry. We often believe that we are justified in our actions and have no desire to apologize for something justified. Sometimes we view the interaction as something that should not be held to be meaningful, leaving an apology unwarranted. In some situations we simply can't or won't take the time to attempt to understand the other side, learning how something we've done could possibly be upsetting or hurtful to another human being. If we do acquire these skills it can lead us to a whole new set of problems: a set of problems associated with another set of skills.
    Forgiveness. Not even just forgiveness, but sometimes the skill to hear a person out in their apology. Sometimes we are so hurt or upset that we don't even want to hear what a person could possibly have to say after they've done or said something so hurtful. Perhaps we even feel justified in punishing them by refusing to listen at all. These actions are our rights as humans, and we exercise them regularly.
    I bring this topic up not because of some recent slight against me or mistake made by me, but rather in reflection on a lot of things in my adult life. I have been considering my relationships with people and the ends of those relationships in contrast to those that have lasted. It occurs to me that I (to the best of my recollection) make it a point to at least listen to a persons apology if it is offered before I decide to accept or refuse it. I feel like it is crucial to make an informed decision. You made my baby sister cry? I'll never forgive you for it, but I'll certainly listen to whatever poor excuse or apology you have for it. And you know what, if the situation was that she had her period and you mentioned the name "Pat" and it threw her into a fit of tears because her friend Pat just died, I may just forgive you. We have a complex world, in which every single person is living a life that we don't necessarily know about. As far as I'm concerned, it's worth hearing someone out, even if you're pretty sure that I've made up my mind. It isn't smart to make a decision and stick to it without at least trying to gather all of the information.

     All of this said, I only wish that other people were as open to hearing what people have to say as I am. I've made mistakes, I've had people do things that have upset me. I think that if we could all simply focus on what is truly important and give each other a chance we would live happier lives. I mean, we chose these people to be in our lives at some point, didn't we? Why should we let a mistake end that relationship, especially without trying to understand how it happened first?

Home is Whenever I'm with You

    So it's been a while since we've had a blog from yours truly, and there are a couple reasons for that. One being that I'm just plain busy. Working towards a promotion at my job and dealing with personal things barely scratches the surface of what we're working with over here. A second reason might just be that I've been waiting for a certain group of people to stop obsessively checking to see what I've been posting. It's funny (like actually haha funny) that the very people that have an opinion on me letting go of the past and the people who make it rough compulsively check this blog. Apparently they aren't aware of the fact that being the blogger here I get the privilege of checking traffic sources. That is to say that I know that people who aren't privy to my posts on social networking sights (that'd include the lovely bitches I've blocked and taken action against) have the option to specifically google my blog. Flattering, sure, but it's gotten old fast. So I was hoping that if I waited long enough maybe they'd stop Googling, stop obsessing, and leave me alone like I've done for them. But, all that aside, on to the blog.
    The point here is that a lot has been going on. Chris and I have faced a bunch of hurdles since my last post (thanks for all the prayers that came our way! We needed them...) and gotten through it all going strong. We couldn't do everything we're doing without the love and support we get, directly and indirectly from friends and family. When you try your hardest to be independent and live life on your own some people just won't accept it and insist on being there for you. Those are the people you cannot live without, because they won't let you. It just goes to show you that the ones that matter the most will never leave you, even when you tell them that they're free to go. Chris and I are lucky to have people like that in our lives, and we hope you all are too.
    In other news, we're looking at moving. They need to remodel our current apartment, so long story short, in order to stay here we'd have to move out and move back in. It doesn't really make sense and we've been considering an upgrade for a little while now anyway. Stars aligning I suppose. We're making a little more money, have a desire to make the move, and now have the opportunity to get out of our lease. These great events have coincided giving us the perfect opportunity to do just what we've been looking to do. While this is phenomenal, it presents us with a lot of new things to consider. We can leave this place any time between a couple of weeks ago and February, giving us a chance to really look at what we want and take time to make the right decision. Anyone who knows me knows I am NOT a good mover, so taking it slow like this is going to be helpful.
    Given this moving thing we've got a lot to think about. Where to go, what we're looking for as far as upgrades go, how long we'd like to stay at this new place, where we'll be in a year or two and if we want to pick a place that we'll stay in. I prefer the idea of staying in one place for a while, starting a little bit of a life, being stationary for a while. Unfortunately that means we have to take a long hard look at where we'll be next year, or the year after that. We've got to make some big type decisions and use some introspection, and that can be a little scary. The nice thing that we have is one thing for sure, and that is that we love each other. No matter where we end up, as long as we're together, it will be home.
    We did have some interesting options come up. We considered the idea of moving far away, leaving this place and it's nasty memories behind, and going somewhere fresh. Well, fresh to me... not so much to Chris. We considered looking into school programs and jobs back in Georgia. We'd only stay there a few years, but it would give me the chance to get to know his family, try a new school, and get to know a completely new area. I'm not averse to the idea, but I think that for now it's not the move for me just yet. I'm so lucky to have a fiance that understands that I'm just not ready for a move like that yet, but with the idea presented to me it will stick for a while. Maybe I'll apply to a graduate school down there as well as up here and (if given an offer) seriously consider taking my little but to good ol' GA for a while. So many birds would get hit with that stone! Chris could be close to his family for the first time in nearly half a decade, I'd get to meet and know my in-laws, I'd be able to experience life in a different place (which I of course imagine to be like a completely different country), become more well rounded, have greater potential for jobs because of education distribution, and get the experience that I will eventually need to have, which is growing up and living an autonomous life.
    No matter what decisions I make now or in the future, there are a couple of things I can count on. I can count on my loving friends and family to keep being there no matter how hard I try to assert my independence. I can count on a man that continues to surprise me with how silly, supportive, loving, dedicated, and amazing he can be. I can count on myself to keep being me, caring too much about other people and not enough about myself, to keep giving 100% at everything I do and keep pushing myself to be the best that I can be.
    There is not much that we can count on in life, but the couple of things that are for sure are enough to make it worth keeping on going with everything that we've got going on. Things are zen again here, and I'm happy to have that.

To finish this one off, check out this song. It keeps me cheery when I'm worried about things.

I Quit.... Sort Of.

    Things have been crazy busy and hectic in the life of Danielle lately. Living with the love of my life, taking on 2 jobs, getting ready for the things that need to be done in the fall semester, and dealing with dramatic children that have a problem with staying out of my life has all been a little stressful. Chris and I have been talking a lot about it and he reminded me that while I'm great at everything I do, when I spread myself too thin everyone feels it, especially him. We stayed up late last night after work and talked about our financial situation and everything else going on to figure out what can be cut. There had to be a place where I could trim down my schedule so that I can be at 100% and do the best work I can. The decision we came to was hard, but we both knew it was necessary.
    We came to the conclusion that the restaurant job had to go. It's the newest stressor, not bringing in that much money, and making it harder to schedule my career job. I like the people we work with at the restaurant and I feel like it's helping me build character by working really hard, all while giving me a window into a world I'm not usually privy to. It took a lot of talking but we figured out how I should go about it, making sure that the restaurant knew that I really appreciate the opportunity that they'd given me but it simply was a matter of scheduling.
    Cut to me actually going to the restaurant. I'm so insecure I let myself get freaked out and upset, worried that everyone would hate me or that the management would be outraged after they've invested so much time and money training me to be a decent waitress. I was worried that everyone would turn to Chris for answers since he would still be there and maybe even criticize him, or me through him, and make work a little more difficult for him. I was worried that they may be short staffed without my hours (so self centered!!!) and the restaurant would suffer. So many bad things could come out of this, and I realized that any time I've left a job it's been because of an end of an era. Leaving because I'm going to college, ending my time at a place because my internship was over, leaving a job because my education had put me above the position requirements and I was eligible for a different job. While this is similar (with my other job forcing me to make the decision) it felt different. It felt like I was just quitting.
    I get in there and the GM and another manager are in the office. I would have loved to talk to the one other manager there since Chris and I have a budding friendship with him, but it was better to talk to the top of the chain I guess. I asked if I could have a couple of minutes to talk to them and started to lay it out. My other job has given me more clients, I know how hard my schedule is to work around as it is, and I think it would be best for everyone if I gracefully bowed out. Nothing upsets me more than having to call of from a job and with the hectic scheduling it was only a matter of time. I'm terribly sorry and I do appreciate the opportunity but I think it's best if I go before I cause more problems than I fix at the restaurant. My GM was awesome about it. I don't know what I expected... maybe him to grow extra heads and yell or something? He told me that he thought I had potential and would hate to see me burn that bridge. That if I stayed on it would make it easier if at some point I wanted to come back. He knows some of my clients are school kids, so I could pick up shifts when the kids aren't in school, like on holiday breaks or summer time. That's fine, but what about now? We agreed that I would stay on for one shift each week, the same shift each week so that I could schedule around it and have some stability, and if it was still interfering we could revisit it. I assured him that I would finish out the schedule that is out now because I know I've made a commitment there and wouldn't break it. I mean, that's what this is about, keeping my commitments. He seemed appreciative, and while I was there I let the girls that I like know I intended to quit and then the end result of cutting hours so drastically. Nobody was upset, and everyone genuinely seemed glad that I was doing what was right. We all know how awful it can be to work with someone who is not completely there.
    This situation feels like another step in growing up. Making decisions about leaving a job that has potential and prioritizing your life isn't easy, especially if you're like me and feel like once you make a commitment you simply must keep it. I'm really lucky to have a great support system to back me up, paired with understanding employers that do their best to work with me. I hope everyone else is this fortunate!


**A little follow up on one of the silly bitches that has a harassment complaint filed against her. I'm not sure if I quoted the line from her berating message that said that me getting excited about cooking new home made dishes for my husband to be was pitiful, but if I didn't there it is. I was told by someone that I'm friends with that she had apparently posted about how she was making her first ever whole chicken and was really hoping it turned out right. To that I say hypocritical bitch, please. I've been cooking whole chickens since I was like 8. The next day I use some of the leftover meat to make another dish, and use the final leftovers to make a home made soup stock that can feed my family for another few days. Bitches man, bitches.