Come with me, my love....

     I've been in Georgia for a while now, and just like being anywhere would it's helping me grow into the person I will be. Too many people let their growth stagnate once they've reached adulthood or achieved certain milestones and that's something I promised myself I never would. As human beings we should never stop growing or changing. We have to adapt and develop while keeping the things we're pleased with even if we feel "complete" and quite frankly, I've never met a person who has been completely happy with themselves that's ended their development.

     This one really isn't about me. It's about Chris. He's done some changing and some difficult staying the same. We came to Georgia to spend time with his family and be a part of it. We wanted to help his grandfather and do what we could to be a part of the life his family has here just like we did with my family. We both knew that this change would be difficult for me since I've had an irrational fear of anything below the Mason-Dixon line and have spent my whole life in the Philadelphia area with the exception of college, which I also spent in Pennsylvania.
    Chris, however, was ready for a change. Changing to be with his family made perfect sense. He has always had a deep seated care for his family, even from far away. This is a place that he's always felt like was his home. The place where he was born and the place he knew he could always come home to. So we came home for him.
    No matter what plans people make or how many different endings they can see things have a way of changing. Situations are rarely what we believe them to be when we see them. It is only when you're in these situations that you can see everything, experience everything, and make decisions about everything. It reminds me of a place I used to go often, a house on a hill across from a farm. This farm had fields and fields of whatever it was that they grew and a house that sat on top of the hill. I'd taken a photo of it to look at when I was away. The photograph couldn't capture the intricacy of the place's reality. Now I know this is true of almost everything.
    Without getting into too much detail, things here weren't exactly as they were portrayed to us before we came, or even when we first arrived. It has taken being here for some time to get a fuller picture. This new information comes with it's challenges. Reason dictates that we change our plans, goals, and objectives based on the new information we gain. There is only one problem with that reason. What if our original goals and objectives were to care for people that we care about? To become a part of what is, not change it to what we believe it could be? What if our main priority is simply to care about and learn about what has been in with a place or person so that we can take the things we have grown to love into ourselves so that we can carry them on to the rest of out lives? And what if the things we believed in were somehow threatened or endangered? What do we do then?
    Christopher has done an amazing job here. First with helping out in little ways that were appreciated, from cutting the grass to making sure the correct lights are on at night. He's grown in his own ways and that growth has helped him become a true man in the eyes of the man that he wanted to grow up to be. In becoming that man he's been able to become his friend as well. While this may seem small to so many it is so big. When you can become adult enough to transcend the relationship you've always known and valued and also become a friend to one of the most important people in your life you've reached a point that so many never do. I'd like to think that my mother and I developed into friends years ago, and knowing that I have her respect on that level with her being my model for adulthood means more than people can understand.
     Back from that tangent things here have changed a bit. It would be easy to abandon the goals and objectives that were originally held. This would be easier if it felt like no one around you held those same objectives, or had a pattern of behavior that seems easier than doing things the way we believe to be right. Even with this knowledge and the blatant behaviors of others my darling has remained strong in his conviction. He could have easily let go of his principles and gone with the flow of others. He could get up and leave whenever he pleased so that he doesn't have to witness events or behaviors that cause him discomfort, displeasure, or discontent. He could ignore the events around him and try to go on about his daily life, trying to keep it away while he worked towards the life goals that he's set out to achieve. All of this would be easier than continuing on, caring for people that we care about, becoming a part of what is, not change it to what we believe it could be, simply caring about and learning about what has been with a place or person so that we can take the things we have grown to love into ourselves so that we can carry them on to the rest of out lives.
     Chris carries on with these goals, with one addition: preservation. He continues to work towards the goals we've had and preserve the lifestyle and wellbeing of the people who have helped him become the man that he is, and will continue to be. The simple fact that he has been able to hold fast to the things that he cares for, and dedicate himself so fully, is absolutely heartwarming. It helps me to remember that I've chosen the man I will marry carefully, and for this I am grateful.

Georgia On My Mind

     It's been 3 months since my last blog entry, and 3 months since I left the lovely greater Philadelphia area. A lot has changed but the important things stay the same. My lovely brother-in-law to be got a long story about my relationship with Chris last night, and part of it had to do with this blog. He was interested so I guess I'm inspired even though I've just been writing on paper lately. Lets just call this one an update blog.
     I got to Georgia without event. The two day trip wasn't as bad as I thought it would be and my lovely kitty made it just fine. Thankfully my mother was kind enough to get us a pet friendly hotel room to break up the trip. The first thing that Chris fed me once we were deep enough south was Krystal's. For anyone who doesn't know they make these little steamed hamburgers. I don't like them but they're one of Chris's favorites.
     Everyone here has been very sweet to me, making sure that I have anything that I need. They've been helpful and caring, aiding in my search for local doctors of all types. When I came here a large part of it was to help me work on myself and get as healthy (body and brain) as possible so that I could be back to 100% at home and eventually at work again. We have finally found what I think will be everything I need as far as doctors go.
     Chris and I have made massive wedding progress. We have decided that we'll be getting married in the chapel that his grandparents, the only couple we know that stayed together, were married in back in the 1940s. We settled on a very small guest list of family and very close friends. We found a lovely place for our reception across the state line in Chattanooga. We made a super cute save the date and sent them out to our tiny guest list. My mom came to visit in the middle of this month and we found my dress in Atlanta. We still need fairly little things like a baker, my hair and makeup stylist, a florist, and choosing the invitations. Chris has been so helpful with all of this that I'm not remotely worried about getting them done. If for some reason you want to see more about our super sweet wedding you can check out our site here: http://harrisandgaudioso.ourwedding.com/
      Chris's family is doing fairly well, although I'm pretty self absorbed between finding doctors, getting a staph infection, and trying to get my head in order. Fairly recently Chris's mom has gone to stay with her boyfriend and his brother has come to stay at his granddad's house like us. Its wonderful to have the chance to be around and really get to know his family, especially with how much time he spent with mine.
      Some people ask me how or why I came here. They don't understand how a person can quit their job, leave their home, be away from their family and everything they've ever known. It's really really simple. It's Chris's turn to be there for his family. He spent years with me in Pennsylvania while I finished my degree and established my career. He helped to create Christmas and was there for birthdays. He acted as a part of my family and showed them that he would be good to me for the rest of our lives. Now it's time for the roles to change and me to take on getting to know families and do what I can to support him and help out. I've become a firm believer in the concept of taking turns and supporting each other evenly. It helps to avoid resentment and give each other what they need.

Long story short, I'm glad that I decided to come here. The slower place of life is a nice change, leaving work and taking a break was necessary. If anybody isn't sure if they should take a leap like this I think I'd tell them they should.

   

You are my sunshine...

    So much has changed in so little time, which seems to be the pattern in my life. I can't complain of course, stagnation and complacency bore me. Change is a necessary and exciting part of life, a part that I wouldn't give up... even if it does mean that stability is more difficult to come by.
    Chris has managed to test out of his classes and come home. He has found a wonderful job with a stable company making enough to help us start our life together in a more responsible manner. He is looking into apartments that will be lovely for us for the next few years while we make strides in our lives and careers. He demonstrates his dedication to himself and me by taking the time to responsibly set up our future, unlike the last time we found an apartment which was rushed and almost frantic. This time around we are taking time, saving, budgeting, shopping, organizing... taking care of everything that should be taken care of the right way. He makes me proud with the changes he is making to his habits as well as the way he chooses to demonstrate his commitment. 
    I've started a new job and should have a full client load by this weekend. I'm still on at the job I've had since August and doing my best to keep my enthusiasm there. It finally looks like what I've been working for is coming to fruition. Even with these amazing career steps I'm taking I keep the idea of school in the back of my mind. My intention is to make application by the deadlines this year, and start in August of 2013. It's slightly later than I'd originally intended, (you know, when I was like 12) but it will be an appropriate time. I'll be 25 when I start, hopefully finished by 30. These numbers are frightening but I recognize that in the grand scheme of things I'll still be relatively young and able to have so many things that I've wanted in my life. In addition I'm reminded of the joy that education brings me. I love learning and studying, so the prospect of returning to a university makes me excessively happy.
    In addition to the changes that have happened more are sure to come. Within the next six months I expect to be fully committed to my new job, have put in application to at least 5 schools, moved into a new apartment with my future husband, gone on vacation with an adorable married couple, adopted a dog, really begun planning our wedding, celebrated my beautiful sister's 21st birthday, and hopefully grown even more than I have in the last six months. I have high hopes that the next six months will allow me to once again look toward the future, rather than focus on the day to day of how to keep everything afloat. The idea makes me smile and brightens my days.

We take events from our past and use them as motivation for our future. If you have events like these to draw from, you are truly lucky.

Home is Whenever I'm with You

    So it's been a while since we've had a blog from yours truly, and there are a couple reasons for that. One being that I'm just plain busy. Working towards a promotion at my job and dealing with personal things barely scratches the surface of what we're working with over here. A second reason might just be that I've been waiting for a certain group of people to stop obsessively checking to see what I've been posting. It's funny (like actually haha funny) that the very people that have an opinion on me letting go of the past and the people who make it rough compulsively check this blog. Apparently they aren't aware of the fact that being the blogger here I get the privilege of checking traffic sources. That is to say that I know that people who aren't privy to my posts on social networking sights (that'd include the lovely bitches I've blocked and taken action against) have the option to specifically google my blog. Flattering, sure, but it's gotten old fast. So I was hoping that if I waited long enough maybe they'd stop Googling, stop obsessing, and leave me alone like I've done for them. But, all that aside, on to the blog.
    The point here is that a lot has been going on. Chris and I have faced a bunch of hurdles since my last post (thanks for all the prayers that came our way! We needed them...) and gotten through it all going strong. We couldn't do everything we're doing without the love and support we get, directly and indirectly from friends and family. When you try your hardest to be independent and live life on your own some people just won't accept it and insist on being there for you. Those are the people you cannot live without, because they won't let you. It just goes to show you that the ones that matter the most will never leave you, even when you tell them that they're free to go. Chris and I are lucky to have people like that in our lives, and we hope you all are too.
    In other news, we're looking at moving. They need to remodel our current apartment, so long story short, in order to stay here we'd have to move out and move back in. It doesn't really make sense and we've been considering an upgrade for a little while now anyway. Stars aligning I suppose. We're making a little more money, have a desire to make the move, and now have the opportunity to get out of our lease. These great events have coincided giving us the perfect opportunity to do just what we've been looking to do. While this is phenomenal, it presents us with a lot of new things to consider. We can leave this place any time between a couple of weeks ago and February, giving us a chance to really look at what we want and take time to make the right decision. Anyone who knows me knows I am NOT a good mover, so taking it slow like this is going to be helpful.
    Given this moving thing we've got a lot to think about. Where to go, what we're looking for as far as upgrades go, how long we'd like to stay at this new place, where we'll be in a year or two and if we want to pick a place that we'll stay in. I prefer the idea of staying in one place for a while, starting a little bit of a life, being stationary for a while. Unfortunately that means we have to take a long hard look at where we'll be next year, or the year after that. We've got to make some big type decisions and use some introspection, and that can be a little scary. The nice thing that we have is one thing for sure, and that is that we love each other. No matter where we end up, as long as we're together, it will be home.
    We did have some interesting options come up. We considered the idea of moving far away, leaving this place and it's nasty memories behind, and going somewhere fresh. Well, fresh to me... not so much to Chris. We considered looking into school programs and jobs back in Georgia. We'd only stay there a few years, but it would give me the chance to get to know his family, try a new school, and get to know a completely new area. I'm not averse to the idea, but I think that for now it's not the move for me just yet. I'm so lucky to have a fiance that understands that I'm just not ready for a move like that yet, but with the idea presented to me it will stick for a while. Maybe I'll apply to a graduate school down there as well as up here and (if given an offer) seriously consider taking my little but to good ol' GA for a while. So many birds would get hit with that stone! Chris could be close to his family for the first time in nearly half a decade, I'd get to meet and know my in-laws, I'd be able to experience life in a different place (which I of course imagine to be like a completely different country), become more well rounded, have greater potential for jobs because of education distribution, and get the experience that I will eventually need to have, which is growing up and living an autonomous life.
    No matter what decisions I make now or in the future, there are a couple of things I can count on. I can count on my loving friends and family to keep being there no matter how hard I try to assert my independence. I can count on a man that continues to surprise me with how silly, supportive, loving, dedicated, and amazing he can be. I can count on myself to keep being me, caring too much about other people and not enough about myself, to keep giving 100% at everything I do and keep pushing myself to be the best that I can be.
    There is not much that we can count on in life, but the couple of things that are for sure are enough to make it worth keeping on going with everything that we've got going on. Things are zen again here, and I'm happy to have that.

To finish this one off, check out this song. It keeps me cheery when I'm worried about things.