Making Life, Making Friends: 5 Reasons Making Friends is Hard

     It has been almost a year since I've bothered to put anything here. I've been busy and I've been private. I've been an open book for so much of my life that I finally got far enough to need to close it. Recently, however, someone who means enough to me that I give their thoughts some weight suggested I write it out again. Which makes it really hard to decide where to start.

     I think it has become apparent that I have a focus on relationships and how we deal with them, but how much can you actually say about it? So I have a weird way to approach it. The most important thing I think I've done since the last time I wrote is to get a dog. His name is Huxley Maddox and he is the closest thing to perfection that I've ever known.

He is handsome and smart and perfect and everything I could have hoped for in a companion. He is always here for me and always happy to be in my arms. He's protective (although bad at it), loving, and empathetic to a fault. He also likes napping, which allows me to do things like write this blog with him in my lap. Basically, he seems to be exactly what a younger me would have thought was perfect in a friend. Yet, I've grown as any healthy person should. I know that friends should not necessarily be so simple. 

     Being in a new city where I know exactly no one makes it hard to find and enjoy friends. Everyone I know is someone I've met through my husband's new job. Making friends on my own is hard, and I've tried to figure out why. I'm generally a friendly person. I'm nice and kind and do all that I can to be the kind of person that I would like to know. These are just some of the reasons I've found that it is difficult for me to make a true and lasting friendship.

1. People are unpredictable.

Another lovely trait of human beings. They surprise you. Sometimes in a pleasant way, sometimes not so much. You can develop a relationship based mostly on what you give, and when it is time to reciprocate they may not be there. Or the opposite may happen. You may grow to know a person through the wonderful they do for you, but when it is time to help them they cannot accept your efforts.

2. Common interests are hard to find.

This may be where my pretension comes out, but it can be very hard to find things in common with another person. Sure, we have simple hobbies and can connect on that level, but I'm used to connecting with people on a deeper and more intellectual level. This is hard when I now live in Tennessee and see people with staunchly different views. 

3. Commitment is hard to create.

I'm 26, nearly 27. At this age we have the commitments we've chosen to keep, for the most part. A husband, children, careers, etc. Adding something new into the mix is hard for anyone, myself included.

4. I haven't settled down yet.

Yes, I'm married. Yes, I have a career. Yes, I've gotten my masters degree. Yes, I have a home to keep and things to take care of. All of these things are true, but I'm not finished. I have more to do in my life and I'm not ready to say I'm done, so my life will continue to change. When most other people are content in their lives it can be hard to keep up.

5. People are not what we want them to be. 

This is not to say that people are not great. They are wonderful! Still, people cannot be expected to give you what you give them, or be what you'd like or expect.

These things being said, I will be making more of an effort to accommodate new people into my life. I am trying to put down roots here, and part of that will be making friends. 

Georgia On My Mind

     It's been 3 months since my last blog entry, and 3 months since I left the lovely greater Philadelphia area. A lot has changed but the important things stay the same. My lovely brother-in-law to be got a long story about my relationship with Chris last night, and part of it had to do with this blog. He was interested so I guess I'm inspired even though I've just been writing on paper lately. Lets just call this one an update blog.
     I got to Georgia without event. The two day trip wasn't as bad as I thought it would be and my lovely kitty made it just fine. Thankfully my mother was kind enough to get us a pet friendly hotel room to break up the trip. The first thing that Chris fed me once we were deep enough south was Krystal's. For anyone who doesn't know they make these little steamed hamburgers. I don't like them but they're one of Chris's favorites.
     Everyone here has been very sweet to me, making sure that I have anything that I need. They've been helpful and caring, aiding in my search for local doctors of all types. When I came here a large part of it was to help me work on myself and get as healthy (body and brain) as possible so that I could be back to 100% at home and eventually at work again. We have finally found what I think will be everything I need as far as doctors go.
     Chris and I have made massive wedding progress. We have decided that we'll be getting married in the chapel that his grandparents, the only couple we know that stayed together, were married in back in the 1940s. We settled on a very small guest list of family and very close friends. We found a lovely place for our reception across the state line in Chattanooga. We made a super cute save the date and sent them out to our tiny guest list. My mom came to visit in the middle of this month and we found my dress in Atlanta. We still need fairly little things like a baker, my hair and makeup stylist, a florist, and choosing the invitations. Chris has been so helpful with all of this that I'm not remotely worried about getting them done. If for some reason you want to see more about our super sweet wedding you can check out our site here: http://harrisandgaudioso.ourwedding.com/
      Chris's family is doing fairly well, although I'm pretty self absorbed between finding doctors, getting a staph infection, and trying to get my head in order. Fairly recently Chris's mom has gone to stay with her boyfriend and his brother has come to stay at his granddad's house like us. Its wonderful to have the chance to be around and really get to know his family, especially with how much time he spent with mine.
      Some people ask me how or why I came here. They don't understand how a person can quit their job, leave their home, be away from their family and everything they've ever known. It's really really simple. It's Chris's turn to be there for his family. He spent years with me in Pennsylvania while I finished my degree and established my career. He helped to create Christmas and was there for birthdays. He acted as a part of my family and showed them that he would be good to me for the rest of our lives. Now it's time for the roles to change and me to take on getting to know families and do what I can to support him and help out. I've become a firm believer in the concept of taking turns and supporting each other evenly. It helps to avoid resentment and give each other what they need.

Long story short, I'm glad that I decided to come here. The slower place of life is a nice change, leaving work and taking a break was necessary. If anybody isn't sure if they should take a leap like this I think I'd tell them they should.

   

A Little Fairy Tale

     Once upon a time there was a group of people that came together due to a mutual interest in helping people. They came from different places, most hours and hours away, to engage in a program and learn more than they had before so that they could pursue careers that they anticipated loving. Each of these people ended up in this particular place, in this particular program, for various reasons, and those reasons are irrelevant for this particular fairy tale.
     Within this group smaller groups formed. The smaller groups were fluid and often able to come together, separate, swap members, swap back and generally get along. The larger group and the smaller groups were good spirited, generally happy, worked well together and the people within them  somehow seemed to grow to care about one another very quickly. Their caring was shown frequently and genuinely. These people were in a field of caring, and they did seem to fit in.

     This particular smaller group had grown close and studied together, cared for one another, and were reliable when it really counted. This group was made up of three girls and a boy; Nicole, Carla, Andrew and myself. The winter months came and this group had a sad matter brought to their attention. Hanukkah fell early that year, and made it so that Carla, who happened to be Jewish, would not be able to spend it with her family. Instead she would be spending the time of celebration studying, states away from her loving family. Andrew told Nicole and myself about the unfortunate timing of these events, so we had no option except to act. This little group had grown close for a reason, and the reason was that we already cared.



     Andrew volunteered his apartment, Nicole her sneaky friend skills and her car, my mother food and a little bit of funding, and me some mediocre cooking skills and enthusiasm. While Carla prepared to spend these 8 nights of celebration alone, away from her family, knowing that they would be spending this time together while she did her best to learn, we went to work. The three of us snuck around behind Carla's back to learn everything we could about this very traditional holiday as quickly as we could to throw together a surprise to help one of our friends be just a little less homesick during a holiday we didn't necessarily understand.

      In addition to bringing it to our attention and volunteering his apartment for this surprise, Andrew helped us by speaking with his family and friends to find traditional music and other common rituals that we might be able to pull off. He let me come over early to decorate his apartment somewhat sparsely (you have to remember that we were still poor college young adults) in the traditional colors and with Hanukkah decorations that my loving mother (who hadn't even met these people, I might add) found for us. I brought recipes that I found online, and hoped that Carla could help us with them since they seemed a little more complex than I was used to. Andrew also surprised me with a box of chocolates as a gift to my mother for helping us pull some of this together.

     While Andrew and I scrambled to get this little party together, Nicole did her part. She picked up a somewhat saddened Carla for our scheduled study session. Carla had been putting on a brave face for us, but we all knew how sad we would have been if we had to miss Christmas with our families. Nicole and Andrew pulled off what may have been the most difficult part of this whole little plan, which was convincing Carla that she needed to come up to the apartment instead of just picking Andrew up. We worked together to bring a little light to the festival of lights that one of our friends held dear. 

At one point, Andrew even confiscated my phone.

 Anyone who knows me knows that this was a dangerous move for him to try, but I let him keep it for a bit so that we all could dedicate our attention to our darling friend.

     It isn't time for Hanukkah again. I haven't even seen these people in over 2 years now, since I graduated. I don't even know what made me think of that darling evening that spread so much sweetness and caring between the four of us. This celebration was during our very first semester together. Following that a lot of things happened to push us closer together or pull us apart, but no matter what happens, I'll always remember my Hanukkah. 

The End.