Come with me, my love....

     I've been in Georgia for a while now, and just like being anywhere would it's helping me grow into the person I will be. Too many people let their growth stagnate once they've reached adulthood or achieved certain milestones and that's something I promised myself I never would. As human beings we should never stop growing or changing. We have to adapt and develop while keeping the things we're pleased with even if we feel "complete" and quite frankly, I've never met a person who has been completely happy with themselves that's ended their development.

     This one really isn't about me. It's about Chris. He's done some changing and some difficult staying the same. We came to Georgia to spend time with his family and be a part of it. We wanted to help his grandfather and do what we could to be a part of the life his family has here just like we did with my family. We both knew that this change would be difficult for me since I've had an irrational fear of anything below the Mason-Dixon line and have spent my whole life in the Philadelphia area with the exception of college, which I also spent in Pennsylvania.
    Chris, however, was ready for a change. Changing to be with his family made perfect sense. He has always had a deep seated care for his family, even from far away. This is a place that he's always felt like was his home. The place where he was born and the place he knew he could always come home to. So we came home for him.
    No matter what plans people make or how many different endings they can see things have a way of changing. Situations are rarely what we believe them to be when we see them. It is only when you're in these situations that you can see everything, experience everything, and make decisions about everything. It reminds me of a place I used to go often, a house on a hill across from a farm. This farm had fields and fields of whatever it was that they grew and a house that sat on top of the hill. I'd taken a photo of it to look at when I was away. The photograph couldn't capture the intricacy of the place's reality. Now I know this is true of almost everything.
    Without getting into too much detail, things here weren't exactly as they were portrayed to us before we came, or even when we first arrived. It has taken being here for some time to get a fuller picture. This new information comes with it's challenges. Reason dictates that we change our plans, goals, and objectives based on the new information we gain. There is only one problem with that reason. What if our original goals and objectives were to care for people that we care about? To become a part of what is, not change it to what we believe it could be? What if our main priority is simply to care about and learn about what has been in with a place or person so that we can take the things we have grown to love into ourselves so that we can carry them on to the rest of out lives? And what if the things we believed in were somehow threatened or endangered? What do we do then?
    Christopher has done an amazing job here. First with helping out in little ways that were appreciated, from cutting the grass to making sure the correct lights are on at night. He's grown in his own ways and that growth has helped him become a true man in the eyes of the man that he wanted to grow up to be. In becoming that man he's been able to become his friend as well. While this may seem small to so many it is so big. When you can become adult enough to transcend the relationship you've always known and valued and also become a friend to one of the most important people in your life you've reached a point that so many never do. I'd like to think that my mother and I developed into friends years ago, and knowing that I have her respect on that level with her being my model for adulthood means more than people can understand.
     Back from that tangent things here have changed a bit. It would be easy to abandon the goals and objectives that were originally held. This would be easier if it felt like no one around you held those same objectives, or had a pattern of behavior that seems easier than doing things the way we believe to be right. Even with this knowledge and the blatant behaviors of others my darling has remained strong in his conviction. He could have easily let go of his principles and gone with the flow of others. He could get up and leave whenever he pleased so that he doesn't have to witness events or behaviors that cause him discomfort, displeasure, or discontent. He could ignore the events around him and try to go on about his daily life, trying to keep it away while he worked towards the life goals that he's set out to achieve. All of this would be easier than continuing on, caring for people that we care about, becoming a part of what is, not change it to what we believe it could be, simply caring about and learning about what has been with a place or person so that we can take the things we have grown to love into ourselves so that we can carry them on to the rest of out lives.
     Chris carries on with these goals, with one addition: preservation. He continues to work towards the goals we've had and preserve the lifestyle and wellbeing of the people who have helped him become the man that he is, and will continue to be. The simple fact that he has been able to hold fast to the things that he cares for, and dedicate himself so fully, is absolutely heartwarming. It helps me to remember that I've chosen the man I will marry carefully, and for this I am grateful.

Georgia On My Mind

     It's been 3 months since my last blog entry, and 3 months since I left the lovely greater Philadelphia area. A lot has changed but the important things stay the same. My lovely brother-in-law to be got a long story about my relationship with Chris last night, and part of it had to do with this blog. He was interested so I guess I'm inspired even though I've just been writing on paper lately. Lets just call this one an update blog.
     I got to Georgia without event. The two day trip wasn't as bad as I thought it would be and my lovely kitty made it just fine. Thankfully my mother was kind enough to get us a pet friendly hotel room to break up the trip. The first thing that Chris fed me once we were deep enough south was Krystal's. For anyone who doesn't know they make these little steamed hamburgers. I don't like them but they're one of Chris's favorites.
     Everyone here has been very sweet to me, making sure that I have anything that I need. They've been helpful and caring, aiding in my search for local doctors of all types. When I came here a large part of it was to help me work on myself and get as healthy (body and brain) as possible so that I could be back to 100% at home and eventually at work again. We have finally found what I think will be everything I need as far as doctors go.
     Chris and I have made massive wedding progress. We have decided that we'll be getting married in the chapel that his grandparents, the only couple we know that stayed together, were married in back in the 1940s. We settled on a very small guest list of family and very close friends. We found a lovely place for our reception across the state line in Chattanooga. We made a super cute save the date and sent them out to our tiny guest list. My mom came to visit in the middle of this month and we found my dress in Atlanta. We still need fairly little things like a baker, my hair and makeup stylist, a florist, and choosing the invitations. Chris has been so helpful with all of this that I'm not remotely worried about getting them done. If for some reason you want to see more about our super sweet wedding you can check out our site here: http://harrisandgaudioso.ourwedding.com/
      Chris's family is doing fairly well, although I'm pretty self absorbed between finding doctors, getting a staph infection, and trying to get my head in order. Fairly recently Chris's mom has gone to stay with her boyfriend and his brother has come to stay at his granddad's house like us. Its wonderful to have the chance to be around and really get to know his family, especially with how much time he spent with mine.
      Some people ask me how or why I came here. They don't understand how a person can quit their job, leave their home, be away from their family and everything they've ever known. It's really really simple. It's Chris's turn to be there for his family. He spent years with me in Pennsylvania while I finished my degree and established my career. He helped to create Christmas and was there for birthdays. He acted as a part of my family and showed them that he would be good to me for the rest of our lives. Now it's time for the roles to change and me to take on getting to know families and do what I can to support him and help out. I've become a firm believer in the concept of taking turns and supporting each other evenly. It helps to avoid resentment and give each other what they need.

Long story short, I'm glad that I decided to come here. The slower place of life is a nice change, leaving work and taking a break was necessary. If anybody isn't sure if they should take a leap like this I think I'd tell them they should.

   

Almost a whole month??

I'm slacking with these posts, so I apologize... but only a little bit. I've been busy as all hell, so somehow I think you'll all survive.

Quick note: some ridiculous people are still getting to this blog from Google. Seriously? Seriously? This is insane. But, alas some people don't have busy adult lives like some of us. I suppose if it makes them happy then so be it, although it is really sad that some people can't move the hell on and get on with their own lives. Sometimes I pity these people, especially the specific ones we know I can't stand, but in reality it is of no concern of mine. Some people find this blog helpful, other people are sadly obsessed, either way it brings readers and I don't mind that one bit. On to the blog!


    Lately things have been interesting. Sometimes tough, sometimes rewarding, sometimes confusing, but always interesting.
    First things first, I'm still working at my job. I have rewarding work with clients that I'll admit I've grown fond of, and I see their progress. I love making a difference in these clients lives. They are just children and they deserve to have a chance at a normal life, so I hope my work can give them that. This job is certainly not where I expected to end up, and sure I look for better work with better money and more of a focus on my specialties but for the time being I feel rewarded. It's a special thing to have truly rewarding work.
    Another thing to touch on, my darling husband to be is away from me, although now it won't be for much longer. His truly wonderful heart came out again, pulling him away from me and to Georgia to help his family when they needed him. About three weeks ago we packed up our apartment (that's a long story of course and there's a lot involved in it, so we can save the details for another time) and I moved back into my mother's home. We weren't sure at the time how long he would have to spend away, so our parting was especially dramatic. I accepted that I would have to be alone for a while, and as tragic as it was it made me realize once again that Chris is going to be the most amazing husband. The fact that he would give up the life he's been working so hard to build to help his family, after making sure to leave me in capable hands (he was so sweet and asked my mother if she would have me move back in and look after me while he was gone, keeping me healthy and safe until he could get home to me) shows his dedication to family. I know that one day I will have to do something similar for either my mother or my sister, and I know he will be by my side when I've got to make these changes.
    It has not been easy to be without the love of my life. We had been doing so well, playing house and building our life together. We'd been dealing with the rough things and enjoying the fun things... practicing for married life and doing the best we could. If I can say so, I think we were doing really well actually. To have all of that ripped away in a matter of days (literally 3 days from the phone call saying he was needed until he left) was traumatic and it still is. I've been doing my job the best I can and trying to do my best at work, which has apparently been quite good according to my review. Even with everything it's been hard. You don't realize how much you do with a person until they are not around. You can't understand how much you take for granted. It's hard to appreciate what a difference it makes in your life to sleep next to someone, making you feel safe and warm, comforted and special every time you roll over, every night, until they are gone. I know he'll be back, and we've even got the date set for it, but it's still hard to be apart. I love Chris with all of my heart, and every day we are apart it becomes more and more evident to me.
    A while ago a person (mind you this person is not a reliable source of anything, nor are they very intelligent so this should be taken with a grain of salt) told me that she had read something somewhere that stated that after an amount of time together, people in love experience a change in their neurochemistry. Now, I've never claimed to be a neurochemist and don't know too much about it. This girl claimed that after a while those in love experience a change in there physiology, to make them more compatible with the person that they love. Somewhat similar to how women that spend a lot of time together sync up on their menstrual cycles. This change makes the lovers enjoy the same things, from foods to music, essentially ensuring that they will remain compatible.
    This idea of changes makes sense, and also makes sense as to how being apart can be so hard. When you are so in tune with another person that you literally share neurological links losing the physical presence of that person can cause pain and anguish like nothing else. It really can feel like you are missing a part of you. Or, maybe, it's simply true love.

    Enough of that mush though. A very happy Thanksgiving to all of you. For anyone interested in what my life will be looking like for the next little while, it will be exciting. Finishing my Christmas shopping, seeing some doctors, and visiting Georgia to meet my future in-laws and come home with my future husband. That will about wrap up my year... and I'll be perfectly pleased to have it that way.


Things happen every day, and sometimes we can't quite figure out why they do. We mourn our losses and try to understand, but in the end the most important thing is that we use each situation to learn and grow from. Without personal growth we aren't accomplishing anything at all.