So it's been a while since we've had a blog from yours truly, and there are a couple reasons for that. One being that I'm just plain busy. Working towards a promotion at my job and dealing with personal things barely scratches the surface of what we're working with over here. A second reason might just be that I've been waiting for a certain group of people to stop obsessively checking to see what I've been posting. It's funny (like actually haha funny) that the very people that have an opinion on me letting go of the past and the people who make it rough compulsively check this blog. Apparently they aren't aware of the fact that being the blogger here I get the privilege of checking traffic sources. That is to say that I know that people who aren't privy to my posts on social networking sights (that'd include the lovely bitches I've blocked and taken action against) have the option to specifically google my blog. Flattering, sure, but it's gotten old fast. So I was hoping that if I waited long enough maybe they'd stop Googling, stop obsessing, and leave me alone like I've done for them. But, all that aside, on to the blog.
The point here is that a lot has been going on. Chris and I have faced a bunch of hurdles since my last post (thanks for all the prayers that came our way! We needed them...) and gotten through it all going strong. We couldn't do everything we're doing without the love and support we get, directly and indirectly from friends and family. When you try your hardest to be independent and live life on your own some people just won't accept it and insist on being there for you. Those are the people you cannot live without, because they won't let you. It just goes to show you that the ones that matter the most will never leave you, even when you tell them that they're free to go. Chris and I are lucky to have people like that in our lives, and we hope you all are too.
In other news, we're looking at moving. They need to remodel our current apartment, so long story short, in order to stay here we'd have to move out and move back in. It doesn't really make sense and we've been considering an upgrade for a little while now anyway. Stars aligning I suppose. We're making a little more money, have a desire to make the move, and now have the opportunity to get out of our lease. These great events have coincided giving us the perfect opportunity to do just what we've been looking to do. While this is phenomenal, it presents us with a lot of new things to consider. We can leave this place any time between a couple of weeks ago and February, giving us a chance to really look at what we want and take time to make the right decision. Anyone who knows me knows I am NOT a good mover, so taking it slow like this is going to be helpful.
Given this moving thing we've got a lot to think about. Where to go, what we're looking for as far as upgrades go, how long we'd like to stay at this new place, where we'll be in a year or two and if we want to pick a place that we'll stay in. I prefer the idea of staying in one place for a while, starting a little bit of a life, being stationary for a while. Unfortunately that means we have to take a long hard look at where we'll be next year, or the year after that. We've got to make some big type decisions and use some introspection, and that can be a little scary. The nice thing that we have is one thing for sure, and that is that we love each other. No matter where we end up, as long as we're together, it will be home.
We did have some interesting options come up. We considered the idea of moving far away, leaving this place and it's nasty memories behind, and going somewhere fresh. Well, fresh to me... not so much to Chris. We considered looking into school programs and jobs back in Georgia. We'd only stay there a few years, but it would give me the chance to get to know his family, try a new school, and get to know a completely new area. I'm not averse to the idea, but I think that for now it's not the move for me just yet. I'm so lucky to have a fiance that understands that I'm just not ready for a move like that yet, but with the idea presented to me it will stick for a while. Maybe I'll apply to a graduate school down there as well as up here and (if given an offer) seriously consider taking my little but to good ol' GA for a while. So many birds would get hit with that stone! Chris could be close to his family for the first time in nearly half a decade, I'd get to meet and know my in-laws, I'd be able to experience life in a different place (which I of course imagine to be like a completely different country), become more well rounded, have greater potential for jobs because of education distribution, and get the experience that I will eventually need to have, which is growing up and living an autonomous life.
No matter what decisions I make now or in the future, there are a couple of things I can count on. I can count on my loving friends and family to keep being there no matter how hard I try to assert my independence. I can count on a man that continues to surprise me with how silly, supportive, loving, dedicated, and amazing he can be. I can count on myself to keep being me, caring too much about other people and not enough about myself, to keep giving 100% at everything I do and keep pushing myself to be the best that I can be.
There is not much that we can count on in life, but the couple of things that are for sure are enough to make it worth keeping on going with everything that we've got going on. Things are zen again here, and I'm happy to have that.
To finish this one off, check out this song. It keeps me cheery when I'm worried about things.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Friday, September 2, 2011
The Day You Realize What is More Important
Life is stellar over here in the tri-state area where we live. Not the movie type of stellar, but the real life, hard work, earning the rewards we reap kind of stellar. It's lovely because I know that some of the wonderful things we have now can never be taken from us. We have things like self worth, the knowledge that no matter what happens we can make it work together, and a bright future that we have some control over. We are working hard to get where we want to be, and that in and of itself is rewarding even if we don't get exactly where we plan to be.
All that aside we obviously still have a little bit of drama in our lives. It's inevitable when you interact with other people. Even that is calming down. Chris is getting ready for school and I'm really settling into this career of mine, while considering the next step in my education. Everything is going better than we originally expected.
Then we got some news that brought us back to earth. It feels like bad stuff hits harder when things are going great, and when it's close to home. When it's both of those things it can really hurt. I'm afraid I won't get into specifics here because it is so early and so private, but suffice it to say that awful news really makes you consider what is actually important. Petty quips and annoying people seem more insignificant than before when you're reminded of the more important things in life.
For Chris and I, this is the first hard thing of this genre we've been through. I know we can get through it, no matter the outcome, if we have each other. In the mean time my prayers are exactly where they need to be, and all that space in my mind that was taken up by people I couldn't stand has been cleaned out for the things I need to be considering.
All that aside we obviously still have a little bit of drama in our lives. It's inevitable when you interact with other people. Even that is calming down. Chris is getting ready for school and I'm really settling into this career of mine, while considering the next step in my education. Everything is going better than we originally expected.
Then we got some news that brought us back to earth. It feels like bad stuff hits harder when things are going great, and when it's close to home. When it's both of those things it can really hurt. I'm afraid I won't get into specifics here because it is so early and so private, but suffice it to say that awful news really makes you consider what is actually important. Petty quips and annoying people seem more insignificant than before when you're reminded of the more important things in life.
For Chris and I, this is the first hard thing of this genre we've been through. I know we can get through it, no matter the outcome, if we have each other. In the mean time my prayers are exactly where they need to be, and all that space in my mind that was taken up by people I couldn't stand has been cleaned out for the things I need to be considering.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
I Quit.... Sort Of.
Things have been crazy busy and hectic in the life of Danielle lately. Living with the love of my life, taking on 2 jobs, getting ready for the things that need to be done in the fall semester, and dealing with dramatic children that have a problem with staying out of my life has all been a little stressful. Chris and I have been talking a lot about it and he reminded me that while I'm great at everything I do, when I spread myself too thin everyone feels it, especially him. We stayed up late last night after work and talked about our financial situation and everything else going on to figure out what can be cut. There had to be a place where I could trim down my schedule so that I can be at 100% and do the best work I can. The decision we came to was hard, but we both knew it was necessary.
We came to the conclusion that the restaurant job had to go. It's the newest stressor, not bringing in that much money, and making it harder to schedule my career job. I like the people we work with at the restaurant and I feel like it's helping me build character by working really hard, all while giving me a window into a world I'm not usually privy to. It took a lot of talking but we figured out how I should go about it, making sure that the restaurant knew that I really appreciate the opportunity that they'd given me but it simply was a matter of scheduling.
Cut to me actually going to the restaurant. I'm so insecure I let myself get freaked out and upset, worried that everyone would hate me or that the management would be outraged after they've invested so much time and money training me to be a decent waitress. I was worried that everyone would turn to Chris for answers since he would still be there and maybe even criticize him, or me through him, and make work a little more difficult for him. I was worried that they may be short staffed without my hours (so self centered!!!) and the restaurant would suffer. So many bad things could come out of this, and I realized that any time I've left a job it's been because of an end of an era. Leaving because I'm going to college, ending my time at a place because my internship was over, leaving a job because my education had put me above the position requirements and I was eligible for a different job. While this is similar (with my other job forcing me to make the decision) it felt different. It felt like I was just quitting.
I get in there and the GM and another manager are in the office. I would have loved to talk to the one other manager there since Chris and I have a budding friendship with him, but it was better to talk to the top of the chain I guess. I asked if I could have a couple of minutes to talk to them and started to lay it out. My other job has given me more clients, I know how hard my schedule is to work around as it is, and I think it would be best for everyone if I gracefully bowed out. Nothing upsets me more than having to call of from a job and with the hectic scheduling it was only a matter of time. I'm terribly sorry and I do appreciate the opportunity but I think it's best if I go before I cause more problems than I fix at the restaurant. My GM was awesome about it. I don't know what I expected... maybe him to grow extra heads and yell or something? He told me that he thought I had potential and would hate to see me burn that bridge. That if I stayed on it would make it easier if at some point I wanted to come back. He knows some of my clients are school kids, so I could pick up shifts when the kids aren't in school, like on holiday breaks or summer time. That's fine, but what about now? We agreed that I would stay on for one shift each week, the same shift each week so that I could schedule around it and have some stability, and if it was still interfering we could revisit it. I assured him that I would finish out the schedule that is out now because I know I've made a commitment there and wouldn't break it. I mean, that's what this is about, keeping my commitments. He seemed appreciative, and while I was there I let the girls that I like know I intended to quit and then the end result of cutting hours so drastically. Nobody was upset, and everyone genuinely seemed glad that I was doing what was right. We all know how awful it can be to work with someone who is not completely there.
This situation feels like another step in growing up. Making decisions about leaving a job that has potential and prioritizing your life isn't easy, especially if you're like me and feel like once you make a commitment you simply must keep it. I'm really lucky to have a great support system to back me up, paired with understanding employers that do their best to work with me. I hope everyone else is this fortunate!
**A little follow up on one of the silly bitches that has a harassment complaint filed against her. I'm not sure if I quoted the line from her berating message that said that me getting excited about cooking new home made dishes for my husband to be was pitiful, but if I didn't there it is. I was told by someone that I'm friends with that she had apparently posted about how she was making her first ever whole chicken and was really hoping it turned out right. To that I say hypocritical bitch, please. I've been cooking whole chickens since I was like 8. The next day I use some of the leftover meat to make another dish, and use the final leftovers to make a home made soup stock that can feed my family for another few days. Bitches man, bitches.
We came to the conclusion that the restaurant job had to go. It's the newest stressor, not bringing in that much money, and making it harder to schedule my career job. I like the people we work with at the restaurant and I feel like it's helping me build character by working really hard, all while giving me a window into a world I'm not usually privy to. It took a lot of talking but we figured out how I should go about it, making sure that the restaurant knew that I really appreciate the opportunity that they'd given me but it simply was a matter of scheduling.
Cut to me actually going to the restaurant. I'm so insecure I let myself get freaked out and upset, worried that everyone would hate me or that the management would be outraged after they've invested so much time and money training me to be a decent waitress. I was worried that everyone would turn to Chris for answers since he would still be there and maybe even criticize him, or me through him, and make work a little more difficult for him. I was worried that they may be short staffed without my hours (so self centered!!!) and the restaurant would suffer. So many bad things could come out of this, and I realized that any time I've left a job it's been because of an end of an era. Leaving because I'm going to college, ending my time at a place because my internship was over, leaving a job because my education had put me above the position requirements and I was eligible for a different job. While this is similar (with my other job forcing me to make the decision) it felt different. It felt like I was just quitting.
I get in there and the GM and another manager are in the office. I would have loved to talk to the one other manager there since Chris and I have a budding friendship with him, but it was better to talk to the top of the chain I guess. I asked if I could have a couple of minutes to talk to them and started to lay it out. My other job has given me more clients, I know how hard my schedule is to work around as it is, and I think it would be best for everyone if I gracefully bowed out. Nothing upsets me more than having to call of from a job and with the hectic scheduling it was only a matter of time. I'm terribly sorry and I do appreciate the opportunity but I think it's best if I go before I cause more problems than I fix at the restaurant. My GM was awesome about it. I don't know what I expected... maybe him to grow extra heads and yell or something? He told me that he thought I had potential and would hate to see me burn that bridge. That if I stayed on it would make it easier if at some point I wanted to come back. He knows some of my clients are school kids, so I could pick up shifts when the kids aren't in school, like on holiday breaks or summer time. That's fine, but what about now? We agreed that I would stay on for one shift each week, the same shift each week so that I could schedule around it and have some stability, and if it was still interfering we could revisit it. I assured him that I would finish out the schedule that is out now because I know I've made a commitment there and wouldn't break it. I mean, that's what this is about, keeping my commitments. He seemed appreciative, and while I was there I let the girls that I like know I intended to quit and then the end result of cutting hours so drastically. Nobody was upset, and everyone genuinely seemed glad that I was doing what was right. We all know how awful it can be to work with someone who is not completely there.
This situation feels like another step in growing up. Making decisions about leaving a job that has potential and prioritizing your life isn't easy, especially if you're like me and feel like once you make a commitment you simply must keep it. I'm really lucky to have a great support system to back me up, paired with understanding employers that do their best to work with me. I hope everyone else is this fortunate!
**A little follow up on one of the silly bitches that has a harassment complaint filed against her. I'm not sure if I quoted the line from her berating message that said that me getting excited about cooking new home made dishes for my husband to be was pitiful, but if I didn't there it is. I was told by someone that I'm friends with that she had apparently posted about how she was making her first ever whole chicken and was really hoping it turned out right. To that I say hypocritical bitch, please. I've been cooking whole chickens since I was like 8. The next day I use some of the leftover meat to make another dish, and use the final leftovers to make a home made soup stock that can feed my family for another few days. Bitches man, bitches.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
I'm Sorry You Were Ever Born, Irene Goodnight.
Thanks to a hurricane I've had to cancel work tomorrow with my client, and our date night hit a little earlier, leaving the fiance and I to have a nice night in. I'm not even mad! It's a nice change from the go, go, go pace we've been keeping... Two days off in a row sound really nice. Secretly I'm hoping we actually do lose power so we can play all off the grid and have some no technology time.
I was productive before our date tonight though, I went to therapy. My lovely shrink and I talked a lot about where power lies in my life right now. For most of my life I've felt like I have had so little control over what goes on. I've always had someone else to answer to, someone I was working for, and someone that would benefit from what I was doing... and that someone was hardly ever me. For the first time in 23 years I'm finally in control of my life. Sure I'm working crazy hard and things get rough, but I'm doing everything for myself and my future. I'm not working to make someone else happy, I'm not trying to please everyone around me, and I'm not answering to anyone except my self. Of course I still like to make other people happy, but now I have the opportunity to allow it to be about myself, only trying to please the people I want to please, not everyone.
The steps that I've been going through over the past year are intense for sure. The people closest to me know how much I've changed, and we all agree it's been for the best. It's taken a long time to get to a point where I'm comfortable with myself, at least comfortable enough to live my life for me.
There's a line in a song by Laura Marling: "It's hard to accept yourself as someone you don't desire, someone you don't want to be." That song struck a chord with me when I first listened to it, and I think that the first step of changing is accepting who you are. If you can't realistically see who you are, you can't change it. To go through a process of accepting yourself in all of your ugliness and imperfection is daunting on its own. Once that step is taken you have to seriously consider if change is something you can do, and if it's worth it. Then you have to suck it up and do it. Stop doing the things you don't like and start doing things you think might make you happy. Stick with it and work hard. If you can stick it out, you'll be able to reap your rewards.
I was productive before our date tonight though, I went to therapy. My lovely shrink and I talked a lot about where power lies in my life right now. For most of my life I've felt like I have had so little control over what goes on. I've always had someone else to answer to, someone I was working for, and someone that would benefit from what I was doing... and that someone was hardly ever me. For the first time in 23 years I'm finally in control of my life. Sure I'm working crazy hard and things get rough, but I'm doing everything for myself and my future. I'm not working to make someone else happy, I'm not trying to please everyone around me, and I'm not answering to anyone except my self. Of course I still like to make other people happy, but now I have the opportunity to allow it to be about myself, only trying to please the people I want to please, not everyone.
The steps that I've been going through over the past year are intense for sure. The people closest to me know how much I've changed, and we all agree it's been for the best. It's taken a long time to get to a point where I'm comfortable with myself, at least comfortable enough to live my life for me.
There's a line in a song by Laura Marling: "It's hard to accept yourself as someone you don't desire, someone you don't want to be." That song struck a chord with me when I first listened to it, and I think that the first step of changing is accepting who you are. If you can't realistically see who you are, you can't change it. To go through a process of accepting yourself in all of your ugliness and imperfection is daunting on its own. Once that step is taken you have to seriously consider if change is something you can do, and if it's worth it. Then you have to suck it up and do it. Stop doing the things you don't like and start doing things you think might make you happy. Stick with it and work hard. If you can stick it out, you'll be able to reap your rewards.
Growing up is hard to do, and some people never bother to do it. It's an active process. We shouldn't criticize those who are unable to move on, or the people that choose not to. We don't have enough insight to see what they're up against. Consider that first we have to accept ourselves for who we are before we can change, and if you were some of the people you criticize you might not be able to accept it either.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
5 Things I've Come Up With
Obviously there's been a hell of a lot of drama going on. It's been making us (us being Chris and I) analyze our life choices. Here's what we (but mostly me) have come up with:
1) We've got no regrets.
We're each happy we started this relationship and stayed in it at various times when it got rough. Some people might think we've rushed into things, other people might think that when you found the person you know you're supposed to be with you shouldn't put off a wedding for any reason, much less money. Regardless of what people think about our relationship we know whats right for us.
We're happy that we've gotten the liars, malevolent, and baleful people out of our lives. I'm sure more will inevitably crop up as we grow older and get into competitive fields, meet people that we don't know and trust them. What can I say? My husband to be is an insanely openhearted individual. Me, not so much. I guess that'd be one place where he's a little ying to my yang.
We couldn't be happier that we made the decision to move to/stay in the greater Philadelphia area, especially with the alternative of me moving and him staying in Lock Haven/State College. We have so much culture here, and it never ceases to amaze me. "Ugh, I'm bored and it's like Wednesday. Oh, I know, lets go to the World Cafe Live and see a new band play a show while we have dinner!" The central PA version? "Ugh, I'm bored and it's like Wednesday. We could go to the bar... again. Or maybe stay in and watch a movie... But we did that like yesterday. We could drive all the way to Williamsport to do something fun! But that's so far away... Nah. Lets just go to the bar and get wasted because there's nothing else to do and I hate my life here stuck in the mountains."
2) We know who we owe, and what we owe to them.
We've had our fair share of help, and our fair share of being screwed over. We know where we've got debts to pay and work hard to pay them. At this point, anyone that has helped us and not screwed us is close to us in one way or another, and we're happy to have them. We've got amazing people that understand our situation and their understanding sometimes is help enough. We really hope one day we can do as much for them as they do for us, but it's my personal belief that for some people there is no way we'll ever be able to do enough to thank them.
3) Everyone makes mistakes.
We know that we aren't perfect, and sometimes I don't even bother to try. We know we had our faults, and we also know everyone else does too. Judge lest not ye be judged, right? Sure there are some grudges we hold even after we know people may be remorseful and even have apologized, but wounds don't heal over night and some never will. That is just a truth that needs to be accepted, and I know how hard it can be to come to terms with.
4) Growing up isn't easy.
Chris had been doing the whole life thing on his own for a while, but this is my first go at it. The first time I'm out of school and not rushing back next semester, the first time I've lived with someone, the first time I've been engaged. People live different lives and do things at a different rate, so while I may have been taking on the responsibilities of an adult a decade ago it wasn't by choice. This is the first time I get to do it on my own terms. It's tough working two jobs, doing research, studying for exams so I can get into the doctoral programs I want, and maintaining relationships. It makes me so grateful that I've got friends going through the same sort of things.
5) The future is going to be awesome.
Looking at how far we've come from before we met each other, seeing the leaps and bounds we've made even since we got engaged... It makes me so excited for our future. I've said it before and I'll say it again: No matter what happens, knowing that I'll have Chris in my life every day when I get up makes everything feel a little bit better.
Most people I know have thought I'm an optimist, always looking for the bright spot in a bad situation, trying to enjoy the most menial tasks and looking for opportunities around every corner. Chris is the only person that's easily seen through my bubbly facade (or maybe that I've trusted enough to be honest with) and has told me that I'm pessimistic on multiple occasions. He hasn't said that to me in months, so I guess that on some level I must be getting more excited about the things we have today, and the things we get to look forward to tomorrow.
Oh hey everyone, fun fact: according to the tracking info, some people that don't have access to any sites I post a link for this blog to feel the need to actually google it, just to read it. Now, I'm going to guess that these people are probably the ones who hate me and Chris and think I should grow up and get a life and be more mature, etc. etc. since they're as blocked as I can make them. It's cute really.
Til next blog! <3
1) We've got no regrets.
We're each happy we started this relationship and stayed in it at various times when it got rough. Some people might think we've rushed into things, other people might think that when you found the person you know you're supposed to be with you shouldn't put off a wedding for any reason, much less money. Regardless of what people think about our relationship we know whats right for us.
We're happy that we've gotten the liars, malevolent, and baleful people out of our lives. I'm sure more will inevitably crop up as we grow older and get into competitive fields, meet people that we don't know and trust them. What can I say? My husband to be is an insanely openhearted individual. Me, not so much. I guess that'd be one place where he's a little ying to my yang.
We couldn't be happier that we made the decision to move to/stay in the greater Philadelphia area, especially with the alternative of me moving and him staying in Lock Haven/State College. We have so much culture here, and it never ceases to amaze me. "Ugh, I'm bored and it's like Wednesday. Oh, I know, lets go to the World Cafe Live and see a new band play a show while we have dinner!" The central PA version? "Ugh, I'm bored and it's like Wednesday. We could go to the bar... again. Or maybe stay in and watch a movie... But we did that like yesterday. We could drive all the way to Williamsport to do something fun! But that's so far away... Nah. Lets just go to the bar and get wasted because there's nothing else to do and I hate my life here stuck in the mountains."
2) We know who we owe, and what we owe to them.
We've had our fair share of help, and our fair share of being screwed over. We know where we've got debts to pay and work hard to pay them. At this point, anyone that has helped us and not screwed us is close to us in one way or another, and we're happy to have them. We've got amazing people that understand our situation and their understanding sometimes is help enough. We really hope one day we can do as much for them as they do for us, but it's my personal belief that for some people there is no way we'll ever be able to do enough to thank them.
3) Everyone makes mistakes.
We know that we aren't perfect, and sometimes I don't even bother to try. We know we had our faults, and we also know everyone else does too. Judge lest not ye be judged, right? Sure there are some grudges we hold even after we know people may be remorseful and even have apologized, but wounds don't heal over night and some never will. That is just a truth that needs to be accepted, and I know how hard it can be to come to terms with.
4) Growing up isn't easy.
Chris had been doing the whole life thing on his own for a while, but this is my first go at it. The first time I'm out of school and not rushing back next semester, the first time I've lived with someone, the first time I've been engaged. People live different lives and do things at a different rate, so while I may have been taking on the responsibilities of an adult a decade ago it wasn't by choice. This is the first time I get to do it on my own terms. It's tough working two jobs, doing research, studying for exams so I can get into the doctoral programs I want, and maintaining relationships. It makes me so grateful that I've got friends going through the same sort of things.
5) The future is going to be awesome.
Looking at how far we've come from before we met each other, seeing the leaps and bounds we've made even since we got engaged... It makes me so excited for our future. I've said it before and I'll say it again: No matter what happens, knowing that I'll have Chris in my life every day when I get up makes everything feel a little bit better.
Most people I know have thought I'm an optimist, always looking for the bright spot in a bad situation, trying to enjoy the most menial tasks and looking for opportunities around every corner. Chris is the only person that's easily seen through my bubbly facade (or maybe that I've trusted enough to be honest with) and has told me that I'm pessimistic on multiple occasions. He hasn't said that to me in months, so I guess that on some level I must be getting more excited about the things we have today, and the things we get to look forward to tomorrow.
Oh hey everyone, fun fact: according to the tracking info, some people that don't have access to any sites I post a link for this blog to feel the need to actually google it, just to read it. Now, I'm going to guess that these people are probably the ones who hate me and Chris and think I should grow up and get a life and be more mature, etc. etc. since they're as blocked as I can make them. It's cute really.
Til next blog! <3
Monday, August 22, 2011
Little Girl's First Police Report
If you're just going to bitch after reading it, don't read it.
This novel idea brought to you by Danielle
Lets start this one out by saying I'm not happy or proud of what I've been forced into doing. I truly believe that individuals should be able to solve there problems on their own, and we're all adults here... so why can't we?
Several months ago I made it explicitly clear that I no longer wanted contact from a group of people in any form. I didn't want to see them, hear from them, be friends with them on facebook, or have them in my life at all. This request was punctuated by unfriending them on facebook, deleting their phone numbers, and a solid plan to NEVER go back to the town they've come from. Unfortunately some people don't understand that message and can't control themselves.
Some of Chris and I's very adult and mature friends can't seem to help but continuing to interject in our lives, ranging from text messages and phone calls, to nasty quips right here on this blog. It's childish and reminds me of how glad I am that we decided not to stay in that little town of theirs, since there must be so little to do.
Previous incidences aside, this weekend some of these lovely kids decided that they wanted to call me from blocked numbers at all hours of the night and make jokes, criticize my relationship and giggle away. Seriously? Get Netflix, and a life.
Last night one of the super shining stars of the group we would like to never see or hear from again felt the need to send me a facebook message about how I "need to work a little harder" on forgetting about these people we've put behind us. It's cute how i need to work on forgetting them, but they want to continue to insert themselves in my life. Real helpful advice, right? Well, after telling me the right way to run my life for another page or so she added this gem: "Take care of your relationship with Chris and never let him go. You have to think about you guys as a couple. If you keep doing what you do with your blogs, he may end up getting mad someday with how you talk about his friend." Now, I think if you read my blogs you know that Chris is a priority, so maybe she hasn't been paying attention. I don't discuss Chris's relationships with his friends in detail because they simply aren't mine to discuss but ***SPOILER ALERT*** Chris kind of feels exactly as I do about what's been going on, as well as his friends. Chris loves my blogs. He loves that I can vent out in a space where I can get feedback, and he loves that I always feel a little bit better afterward. I love it because I can vent, and because (believe it or not) most people are dealing with bitches in their lives, and hearing about my experiences makes other people feel like it's not so bad, that reading this stuff is helping them, and I'd blog just for that. She goes on and on in a pseudo-helpful tone that she knows I don't care to hear for many more lines.
That said, I responded, much shorter and far less sweet:
Thanks for the advice that wasn't really wanted? As for (a boyfriend in the group), Chris and I are on the same page about it. Actually, Chris and I are on the same page about everything in my blog. It's nice that you've got such great relationships but you have no idea about what happened between LCCWB and I, and given that fact you will never have any idea of how well or poorly I'm handling that situation.
I hope that you don't have to go through what I've gone through, but if you ever do you'll probably regret this message.
It'd be a fuck ton of a lot easier to forget her if she would stay out of my life, but (as I'm sure she'd deny) she can't seem to do that very well. As clear as we've made it that we would like EVERYONE from central PA to leave us alone (that would include [where I listed their cute little group]... pretty much everyone but Gill) those people just can't seem to GTFO and stay out of our lives. Including this little message. I believe I unfriended you for a reason, I didn't think i had to go as far as blocking you like I had to do with (LCCWB and boyfriend).
So, respectfully, help me forget the people I think are worthless and don't bother to interject anymore.
Thanks.
Oh, and PS- I hope you and (her fiance) actually make it to the altar this time, I'm sure it'll be a beautiful event and you'll be surrounded by a mixture of people who love you both and people that will eventually make you wish you didn't have to see their faces in your wedding photos.
I hope that you don't have to go through what I've gone through, but if you ever do you'll probably regret this message.
It'd be a fuck ton of a lot easier to forget her if she would stay out of my life, but (as I'm sure she'd deny) she can't seem to do that very well. As clear as we've made it that we would like EVERYONE from central PA to leave us alone (that would include [where I listed their cute little group]... pretty much everyone but Gill) those people just can't seem to GTFO and stay out of our lives. Including this little message. I believe I unfriended you for a reason, I didn't think i had to go as far as blocking you like I had to do with (LCCWB and boyfriend).
So, respectfully, help me forget the people I think are worthless and don't bother to interject anymore.
Thanks.
Oh, and PS- I hope you and (her fiance) actually make it to the altar this time, I'm sure it'll be a beautiful event and you'll be surrounded by a mixture of people who love you both and people that will eventually make you wish you didn't have to see their faces in your wedding photos.
Funny thing about that ps... she's marrying a man that cheated on her during their first engagement, and who she's had suspicions of cheating again. Great girl to be taking advice from, right?
I block the chick. Like I said, not interested in hearing from her. Last word said, conversation over. She gets the message I don't want to have any contact with her and should be mature enough to respect that. It's over. Plus I blocked her so she can't message me again even if she was that immature, right?
Wrong. I forget that some couples have no respect for one another's privacy or reputation. She's so compelled to answer this request to not be spoken to that she hops on her fiance's account to continue to berate me. This one's real good, but I'll only give you kids excerpts and keep some of the good stuff to myself:
"I think you are a fucking psycho who writes about how she wants people to die or go kill themselves. It really bothers me that you are in the profession of helping people with psychological disorders and what not when you are so messed up yourself"
"I tried to be nice, and I tried to give you advice. None of us care what you think of us. I just thought I'd throw out some advice that I gave myself when I lost some good friends. But you just have to put your defenses up and flip the fuck out." If she thought reminding her I'd asked her to go away was flipping out, bitch needs to see me "flip the fuck out."
"I will never regret the friendships that I have with them, and even if we drift apart I will never look at my wedding photos and regret them being part of my special day." Isn't it cute how for some girls it turns into their special day? The hubbs to be gets thrown out of it!
"You really anger me, and I hope for the sake of your future patients that you get the therapy you need, before you tell one of them to jump off a cliff or something. You do not know how to listen and take nice advice. You are a little kid who will never know how to be independent." I think therapy would be a good thing for you too sweetie. Oh, and there's this funny thing about independence. I've been taking care of a handicapped kid since I could lift her, taking care of a home since I was 9, and became the homemaker before I was 12 when my mom went back to school. I've been more of an adult then you'll ever be, taken care of more shit than you'll ever have to take care of and still managed to go to school and get an MA by 23. So... mirror please? (btw mommy, mad props on going back to school. Sure it was rough on us but it made us a much better family!)
"I think you are a sad excuse for an adult. You should have grown up a long time ago." I think we should see above... Maybe hand over the mirror again?
"So enjoy your sham of a marriage, you said it took you 6 months to trust chris, but you rushed right into tying the knot. hmmm that might last forever...." Thanks for the sweet words honey pie, and I'm sure you're marriage to someone who openly cheated on you will go great too. A question on my part, really I don't know, does it count as rushing into tying the knot if you're not married yet, and taking a 3 year long engagement? Fill me in.
So that's what's going down in my life. Either way this was all too much for me. I've said it nicely, I've said it rudely, I've yelled it, written it, cried it out loud. All I want is for these people to leave me and my life alone. We've done as much for them. We don't laugh at their stupid status's on facebook. When I hear rumors around town about how LCCWB cheated on her boyfriend when she visited town last I ignore them. If anyone in this party of annoying people that won't go away comes up, I change the topic or remove myself from the conversation, all because I'm no longer interested. I've done everything that I can think of to get them out of my life and they just won't go. So what's a girl to do?
I've asked around. Sought council, if you will. It seems as though, short of going up there and beating some ass (which isn't my style. I'm a lover, not a fighter... Plus gas is expensive and this girl has 2 jobs. Or rather, this sad excuse for an adult.), the only thing left to do is get a higher power involved.
Now darling dearest readers of mine, what this means is that the sweet, well meaning girl who was trying to hide her deeply held hatred of me now has her name and information in a police file. If she gets pulled over, has the police called to her house for any reason, or applies for a job that checks police files it will come up that she has had complaints made against her for harassment. After working in the prison I can tell you that without a charge it doesn't mean much, but it does mean that any law enforcement officer will think twice about believing her stories or taking her word in the event that she was victimized. It's unfortunate, I know.
I suppose the lesson we must learn here children, is to keep your mouth shut, the keys on your computer quiet, and stay off that cell phone touch screen if you know you should. Respect people's wishes for privacy (respect people in general) and if you truly believe that they are doing wrong, wait for karma. Personally, I don't believe that karma will catch up with everyone. Some people will live their whole lives in a pseudo prostitute manner, sleeping with people to get what they want and never get what's coming to them. Some people will harass other people to the point that they feel like they can't do anything about it themselves and get away with it because, lets face it, our justice system isn't perfect. I do believe, however, that if people could grow up and act like adults when it's called for we could have a better world.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Opposites Attract?
Talk to most people and they'll be split about 50/50 on whether opposite personality types attract. Some people think that we all need a ying to our yang, while others feel like relationships with drastically different people are just too difficult. Talk to a psychologist that's studied relationships and human interaction and they'll tell you that opposites attracting is the exception, not the rule. Occasionally you'll see a content relationship with drastic opposites but the vast majority of relationships of any kind are based on fundamental similarities in personality types, values and a slew of other factors. We like people who are like us. A person that is too different just won't mesh into our lifestyle.
Sometimes I think about this when it comes to Chris and I. We aren't the same in many aspects of our lives, but as we get closer and know each other longer I see that we really match up a lot better than I originally expected. Our energy levels are similar, our values are similar, our life priorities are so close it gets scary. We're two peas in a pod, me and that boy, and it makes for a pretty happy life. Sure, he has interests outside of mine and occasionally throws a curve ball that I didn't see coming, and I do the same, but for the most part we match up.
This leads me into what I'm really all riled up about, (who didn't see this one coming?) of course it is LCCWB again. Chris let me in on a little insider tip that he noticed she's fucking up even more, showing how different she and I really are. I haven't really discussed much of the beginning of the relationship between Chris and I on this blog, but to make the story short and sweet it was a little rocky. His ex openly made it her goal to stop this relationship from happening, and made it clear she'd do anything she could to stop us from even getting off the ground. This included lying to everyone about she and him, telling him that they couldn't be friends if he was with me, making it a point to call him when she heard I'd be with him so I'd think they chatted all the time, trying to pit his friends against me and even going so far as to lie to his family and when they pointed it out becoming outraged that he would believe his brother over her. Not a pretty picture. It took 6 months or more for me to trust him enough (and for him to get her the fuck out of his life) for our relationship to move forward in a real way. Now he's moved twice and completely ignored any attempts at communication with her, and this seems like a method that's finally worked to get her out of our lives completely.
Still, not to the point. Today when I got home from both jobs and a therapy appointment my darling fiance informed me that apparently LCCWB and crazy ex bitch have started hanging out, talking, being besties, etc. Now, I don't know why this would surprise me at all. I know for a fact that neither of these girls have the same values as I do. They're insanely similar, in fact. LCCWB has done things like the ex did to me in the past. For some reason, I'm still surprised and hurt that LCCWB could be so two-faced and bitchy that she would turn around and be best friends with someone who she said was ugly, awkward, bitchy and annoying. In essence, I'm wondering why people can't keep their values straight.
If I'm going to say someone is a horrible bitchy person, I'll say it to them. I believe there are only 2 reasons why an individual wouldn't say what they've got to say in person. 1) They don't mean it. 2) They're too pussy to put it out there. Either way, I feel like if you can't say it to their face, DON'T SAY IT. It's simple kids. Mommy taught you that if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. I'm teaching you to back your shit up.
Back to the point, me and LCCWB are obviously value opposites. We don't have the same ideas about loyalty, truthfulness or allegiance. She shows no respect for anyone, lies to her boyfriend, uses his family, cheats, and goes behind every person she knows backs. She'll very easily say that one of our friends husbands only married her for her money and then hug him and tell him how he's just the best guy ever. I've seen her do it. She does thing that I simply could not live with. We're opposites in activities and our views on a lot of other major issues.
The question then becomes why did I bother with her for so long? The obvious things come to the surface... My value of loyalty and friendship, the fact that we were teens and had such a long history, not wanting to lose something I'd invested in. It could have been anything, even if it was a waste. But I've got a different theory, and I put it to you all:
Perhaps opposites attract only to balance ourselves. This may be the reason for failed marriages, crazy benders, and bad decisions in general. At some point or another we must consider our standing in life, and how true to ourselves we are being. A perfect way to test this is by aligning ourselves with someone incredibly opposite and trying to make it work. If it does, we've changed along the way and that may be the source of our difficulty, and if it doesn't we know where we stand. Sometimes these experiments of self may last longer than others, but sooner or later we must figure it out.
Sometimes I think about this when it comes to Chris and I. We aren't the same in many aspects of our lives, but as we get closer and know each other longer I see that we really match up a lot better than I originally expected. Our energy levels are similar, our values are similar, our life priorities are so close it gets scary. We're two peas in a pod, me and that boy, and it makes for a pretty happy life. Sure, he has interests outside of mine and occasionally throws a curve ball that I didn't see coming, and I do the same, but for the most part we match up.
This leads me into what I'm really all riled up about, (who didn't see this one coming?) of course it is LCCWB again. Chris let me in on a little insider tip that he noticed she's fucking up even more, showing how different she and I really are. I haven't really discussed much of the beginning of the relationship between Chris and I on this blog, but to make the story short and sweet it was a little rocky. His ex openly made it her goal to stop this relationship from happening, and made it clear she'd do anything she could to stop us from even getting off the ground. This included lying to everyone about she and him, telling him that they couldn't be friends if he was with me, making it a point to call him when she heard I'd be with him so I'd think they chatted all the time, trying to pit his friends against me and even going so far as to lie to his family and when they pointed it out becoming outraged that he would believe his brother over her. Not a pretty picture. It took 6 months or more for me to trust him enough (and for him to get her the fuck out of his life) for our relationship to move forward in a real way. Now he's moved twice and completely ignored any attempts at communication with her, and this seems like a method that's finally worked to get her out of our lives completely.
Still, not to the point. Today when I got home from both jobs and a therapy appointment my darling fiance informed me that apparently LCCWB and crazy ex bitch have started hanging out, talking, being besties, etc. Now, I don't know why this would surprise me at all. I know for a fact that neither of these girls have the same values as I do. They're insanely similar, in fact. LCCWB has done things like the ex did to me in the past. For some reason, I'm still surprised and hurt that LCCWB could be so two-faced and bitchy that she would turn around and be best friends with someone who she said was ugly, awkward, bitchy and annoying. In essence, I'm wondering why people can't keep their values straight.
If I'm going to say someone is a horrible bitchy person, I'll say it to them. I believe there are only 2 reasons why an individual wouldn't say what they've got to say in person. 1) They don't mean it. 2) They're too pussy to put it out there. Either way, I feel like if you can't say it to their face, DON'T SAY IT. It's simple kids. Mommy taught you that if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. I'm teaching you to back your shit up.
Back to the point, me and LCCWB are obviously value opposites. We don't have the same ideas about loyalty, truthfulness or allegiance. She shows no respect for anyone, lies to her boyfriend, uses his family, cheats, and goes behind every person she knows backs. She'll very easily say that one of our friends husbands only married her for her money and then hug him and tell him how he's just the best guy ever. I've seen her do it. She does thing that I simply could not live with. We're opposites in activities and our views on a lot of other major issues.
The question then becomes why did I bother with her for so long? The obvious things come to the surface... My value of loyalty and friendship, the fact that we were teens and had such a long history, not wanting to lose something I'd invested in. It could have been anything, even if it was a waste. But I've got a different theory, and I put it to you all:
Perhaps opposites attract only to balance ourselves. This may be the reason for failed marriages, crazy benders, and bad decisions in general. At some point or another we must consider our standing in life, and how true to ourselves we are being. A perfect way to test this is by aligning ourselves with someone incredibly opposite and trying to make it work. If it does, we've changed along the way and that may be the source of our difficulty, and if it doesn't we know where we stand. Sometimes these experiments of self may last longer than others, but sooner or later we must figure it out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)