And you can see the daisies in her footsteps!

    Young lovers across the world give each other mix tapes. It's phenomenon that we may never really understand. This Valentine's Day I thought I'd look over the first two tapes (CDs, but leave me the nostalgia or hipsterism of calling them tapes, please) I made for Chris. We're going to have to split them up, and honestly  I should split them even further. This is just tape #1, and it's got 24 tracks, so buckle up your seat belts, grab some headphones, and laugh.      
     Try to remember that I'd been way out of practice. Chris had not, he'd already given me at least one, maybe 3 by this point. I hadn't tried this for quite some time. Some of these songs have important lyrics, some of them have lyrics and explanations. You won't like all of them. So, with that in mind, lets give it a look?


Song Number 1: Let It Be Sung, Jack Johnson

"Why don't I just give you everything you'll take from me? 'Cuz nobody owns anything and everyone is free.... And I know what your heart is telling you, 'cuz my heart's telling me the same thing too."

This is adorable, and true. Things were complicated, but I was open at that point. I knew that Chris was different, special, and... well, I can't put words to it, but I knew it would stick.

Song #2 Here Comes Your Man

"There is a wait so long, you'll never wait so long, here comes your man."

Screw you if you say I didn't wait for this man. I had a chance to take on full lives with other people, but I couldn't settle for something or someone I'd eventually hate. 

Song #3 I Want To Know Your Plans, Say Anything

I shouldn't have to help anyone with this one...

Song #4 Put Your Hands On Me, Joss Stone

"I guess I'm picky with love .Well baby I give it up it's you I choose and don't keep me waiting. This girl's got things she needs to do. Oh if I was blind, you'd help me see. If I lost my mind, you'd find it for me. Speak on it babe, tell me what do you need, because all I need is for you to love me baby....

Can't stop my mind from thinking of you. How am I supposed to function? Got me feelin' for your lips on my kiss all night, never want no other lover."
Everyone's got a little modern soul, right? We all need some loving. ;)
Song #5 She's So Lovely, Scouting for Girls

"It's easy to tease me. You never ever look that pleased to see me. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know how we'll make it through this."
Things were not always easy, but he kept grabbing my attention.

Song #6 Voice On Tape, Jenny Owen Youngs

"And you say that I don't have this down,but I've been practicing out loud.I want you back and forth. I want you up and down. I want you back and forth......"
I wanted Chris however he was, no matter what. 

Song #7 Addicted to Company, Paddy Casey

"And is there something you're not sure of? Are you looking for a sign? Waiting for somebody to throw your heart a line? Or a quick and easy answer In a dark, uneasy time?Maybe that's alright. That's enough for tonight. And that's alright. That's enough for tonight."
We didn't have to be serious right away, it was ok. But we were anyway.

Song #8 Aeroplane Over The Sea, Neutral Milk Hotel

And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see
Love to be
In the arms of all I'm keeping here with me

What a curious life
We have found here tonight
There is music that sounds from the street
There are lights in the clouds
Anna's ghost all around
Hear her voice as it's rolling and ringing through me
Soft and sweet
How the notes all bend and reach above the trees

Song #9 Everything, Michael Buble

"And you play it coy but it's kinda cute. Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do. Baby don't pretend that you don't know it's true 'cause you can see it when I look at you. And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times It's you, it's you, you make me sing."
Chris loved my singing. I'd done an open mic before I gave him this awesome mix, and he said he wished he could be there. I wore something of his so that if I got nervous I could just squeeze, like I do with his hands.

Song #10 First Day of My Life, Bright Eyes

"Remember the time you drove all night just to meet me in the morning? And I thought it was strange you said everything changed. You felt as if you'd just woke up. And you said “this is the first day of my life. I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you, but now I don’t care I could go anywhere with you and I’d probably be happy.”
This one's super legit. Things used to matter to me pretty much a lot. Money, jobs, house, all of it. Chris changed that. 

Song #11 Tell Me Again, Ron Sexsmith

"You look into my eyes and the words you say help me to realize love won’t ever fade, but I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Please tell me again. No, I can’t believe what I’m feeling, please tell me again."
This girl had just gotten out of a serious relationship and had no plans for a new one. It was scary, but comforting at the same time. It was love.

Song #12 Sunday Morning, Maroon 5

"Sunday morning, rain is falling. Steal some covers, share some skin. Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable, you twist to fit the mold that I am in. But things just get so crazy, living life gets hard to do and I would gladly hit the road, get up and go if I knew that someday it would lead me back to you."
But it doesn't always lead you back. I learned that and felt poorly about it for a little while. So there's no leaving this one... Not ever.

Song #13 F-Stop Blues, Jack Johnson

"Look who's laughing now that you've wasted how many years and you've barely even tasted anything remotely close to everything you've boasted about." 
Can we take a minute to appreciate this video? Love so much! In all seriousness. Chris had been in a long relationship. He even considered asking her to marry him at one point a long time ago. But he'd never lived life like he should have. I wanted to help, so we laughed together.

Song #14 Stupid Cupid, Mandy Moore 

"You mixed me up for good right from the very start. Hey, go play Robin Hood, with somebody else's heart. You've got me jumpin' like a crazy clown, and I don't feature what you're putting down. Since I kissed his loving lips of wine, the thing that bothers me is that I like it fine.

Hey hey, set me free. Stupid Cupid, stop picking on me."
Yea, this thing hit hard and fast. I loved it, but sometimes I felt like I was too much in love, way too early. NOT FAIR!

Song #15 Daydreamer, Adele

"Is the subject of their talk. He would be hard to chase but good to catch, and he could change the world with his hands behind his back."
Angie oh sorry, my ex best friend and I, used to talk about Chris and this other dude. All the time. At that point we both thought they could be that future one. Now I hear we're both marrying them, and I'm pleased. I'll have the rest of my life to see what changes to the world Chris can make. 

Song #16 Porchrail, Jenny Owen Youngs

"Don't move or blink, I just need a minute to sit and think. I've got a span of attention as long as my teeth. Every urge I let swing me turns tragically brief. There's nothing more attractive than that one thing you just can't have." 
It wasn't for sure yet. We had a way to go before we were solid, and I'm like a time bomb. Turns out he's a bomb diffusion technician. 

Song #17 Grey or Blue, Jaymay

Let's enjoy this serendipidy moment. 

"Are you too nervous to be lovers, friendships ruined with just one kiss. I watched you very closely I saw you look away your eyes are either gray or blue I'm never close enough to say. But your sweatshirt says it all with the hood over your face. I can't keep staring at your mouth without wondering how it tastes. I'm with another boy; he's asleep, I'm wide awake and he tried to win my heart, but it's taken time...I know the shape of your hands because I watch them when you talk, and I know the shape of your body 'cause I watch it when you walk, and I want to know it all but im giving you the lead. So go on, go on and take it, don't fake it"


Song #18 You're The Reason I Come Home, Ron Pope

"The street's asleep so I breathe you in deep. The tragedies of chemistry. People dream of what you and me have found effortlessly. You're the reason I come home. You're the reason I come home my love. You're the reason that when everything I know falls apart. You're the reason I come home."

It wasn't too long before we noticed that home was together. Now we try to be home as often as we can, no matter our geographical locations. 

Song #19 Sugar Town, Zooey Deschenel

"If I had a million dollars or ten, I'd give it to your world and then, you'd go away and let me spend my life in shu shu shu, shu shu shu, shu shu shu shu shu shu Sugar Town."


Song #20 She Gave Me Love, The Getaway People

"I met my baby by the station. She said: "Can I help you with some information?"'Cause your train gets out at a quarter to five, but you could stay a while, you and I could get funky to the rhythm of the choo-choo-train dancin' in the pourin' rain. I found myself in the most beautiful of situations..."
And I did find myself in the most beautiful of situations. In some whirlwind romance that I never asked for or expected. 

Song #21 405, Death Cab for Cutie

"Red wine and the cigarettes... hide your bad habits underneath the patio."
Everyone knows there are things we'd like to keep to ourselves. We don't all do it.


Song #22 Wouldn't It Be Nice, Beach Boys

Wouldn't it be nice if we were older 
Then we wouldn't have to wait so long 
And wouldn't it be nice to live together 
In the kind of world where we belong 

You know its gonna make it that much better 
When we can say goodnight and stay together 

Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up 
In the morning when the day is new 
And after having spent the day together 
Hold each other close the whole night through 

Happy times together we've been spending 
I wish that every kiss was never ending 
Wouldn't it be nice 

Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true 
Baby then there wouldn't be a single thing we couldnt do 
We could be married 
And then wed be happy 

Wouldn't it be nice 

You know it seems the more we talk about it 
It only makes it worse to live without it 
But lets talk about it 
Wouldn't it be nice

Song #23 You and I, Ingrid Michealson

"Maybe I think you're cute and funny, Maybe I wanna do want bunnies do with you if you know what I mean...
Well you might be a bit confused, and you might be a little bit bruised, but baby how we spoon like no one else. So I will help you read those books, if you will soothe my worried looks, and we will put the lonesome on the shelf."
This is the song I sang at the open mic, with the help of a dear friend of course. The song that by the end of singing I had letters and marks from the metal I was clutching super hard in my hand. Ever since then he started liking the song too. 


Song #24 Tomorrow Morning, Jack Johnson

Well that's alright
If that's alright
2000 miles were still
And that's alright
And that's alright
If that's alright
I'll see you in the morning
If that's alright
And what would you do if I wrote you a song
Would you give me some lovin' when I get home
Or would you be mad at me if I had a hard time
Gettin a hold of you
I try all the time
And I think that
You don't know anybody that could be
So bad
But if you did
You'd be wonderin' where I'm at
Well I'll be home when tomorrow mornin comes
What would you do if i sang you this song
The connection is bad but that's only the phone
'Cause when my words kiss your ear
I'll be right there
The message is long
'Cause baby this is your song
I think that
You don't know anybody that could be
So bad
But if you did
You'd be wonderin' where I'm at
Well I'll be home when tomorrow mornin
And I think that
You don't know anybody that could be
So bad
But if you did
You'd be wonderin' where I'm at
Well I'll be home when tomorrow mornin
And that's alright
'Cause I'll be home when tomorrow mornin
And that's alright
'Cause I'll be home when tomorrow mornin comes.

And it is alright. Because I get to be with him for the rest of our lives. I've made him promise to die first so I'd never have to be without him. Call it cheesy, call it lame, call it whatever you want. I'll just keep calling it love. 

 









I love you today, tomorrow and forever. Happy Valentine's day Chris. 

Second Chances Never Matter, People Never Change

     Or do they?

     I think that at different parts of my life I've believed that people couldn't change. At other points I've believed that all people do is change as long as they're healthy and actively observant and introspective. Finally I believe that I've come to a solid and stable conclusion to this. Remarkably so, the Westboro Baptist Church has helped me come to this conclusion.
     If you know of this church you know just how insane that just sounded. This church is the radical group that you may have heard about protesting at funerals of soldiers, husbands, wives, sons, daughters, parents and children as though there is no difference. They spew hate in the name of god, giving the entire world a negative view of this group, occasionally spreading this terrible view to the entire country, or within the country to all Christian groups.

This is a photo of some of the children in the church. The adults involved start spreading these hateful messages to their children from the start, and use these children to spread their hateful ideals. 

     How could this horrible organization help me come to any healthy conclusion on people and if they can change? Megan Phelps-Roper. Megan has been an active member of the church from the day she was born until just a few months ago, making it nearly 27 years of spewing hate and pain. Then, she left. Anyone familiar with WBC knows that anyone who leaves is shunned, ignored, and treated as a traitor. I'm unsure on what would happen if people wanted to return after leaving, but I'm fairly certain that they would NOT be welcomed back with open arms. Back to Megan. Megan Phelps-Roper was the frontline of social media for the group. She started tweeting, posting on Facebook, making appearances on both news and talk shows (usually with her mother by her side), and spreading the word of the WBC as far and wide as she could. She became the face of the church to our generation, and we all felt a deep hatred for what she came to represent. 

     Back to Megan. Has she changed or not? My answer and my overall conclusion on this issue? Both.  Megan has left this hate filled organization, leaving behind a trail of hurt and sadness that she now recognizes she's caused. She can now see the pain she caused people, and she has made a decision to stop. All of this points to change, right? Except for this one little thing. Megan believed that she was doing the right thing, spreading the word of God, helping people see the error in their ways. In an interview done with her mother while she was still an active member of the church a journalist asked her what she wanted her legacy to be, given the reputation that her family had been creating. Megan told the journalist: "That I treated people right." This girl, spreading pain and hate, believed she was treating people right then. Call it brainwashing, or pure misinformation, but she believed what she was doing was for the country as a whole. She believed that she was helping. Now that she see's things differently she has a lot to consider. She has to figure out how to be a person she's happy with. She has to figure out what -and how- to change.

     The point of all of this? People may change. They can change their beliefs, their actions, and their attitude, but they cannot change who they are underneath the layers that they put forward. Megan Phelps-Roper is a person that wants to treat people right. I've always wanted to help people in any way I could. I know other people that seem to only be able to be mean and manipulative no matter what facade they put on or situation they get into. We can change the image we put forth, but we can't change who we are deep down. 

     With this new realization I've decided that I can only do my best to examine the deeper parts of people when deciding on what level of relationship I want to have with them. I'd like to believe that everyone is good deep down, but unfortunately I've found some people that aren't quite there at the core. I hope that in the future my choices in friends will reflect what I've shared here, and hopefully you will too. 

Here's a phenomenal comic, once again from iamarg.com. 

It's delightful, and I hope it can make you laugh like it makes me smile, every time!

If you'd like to read more about Megan Phelps-Roper and what she's going through here are a couple of links: 

https://medium.com/reporters-notebook/d63ecca43e35

https://medium.com/turning-points/83d2ef8ba4f5