Obviously there's been a hell of a lot of drama going on. It's been making us (us being Chris and I) analyze our life choices. Here's what we (but mostly me) have come up with:
1) We've got no regrets.
We're each happy we started this relationship and stayed in it at various times when it got rough. Some people might think we've rushed into things, other people might think that when you found the person you know you're supposed to be with you shouldn't put off a wedding for any reason, much less money. Regardless of what people think about our relationship we know whats right for us.
We're happy that we've gotten the liars, malevolent, and baleful people out of our lives. I'm sure more will inevitably crop up as we grow older and get into competitive fields, meet people that we don't know and trust them. What can I say? My husband to be is an insanely openhearted individual. Me, not so much. I guess that'd be one place where he's a little ying to my yang.
We couldn't be happier that we made the decision to move to/stay in the greater Philadelphia area, especially with the alternative of me moving and him staying in Lock Haven/State College. We have so much culture here, and it never ceases to amaze me. "Ugh, I'm bored and it's like Wednesday. Oh, I know, lets go to the World Cafe Live and see a new band play a show while we have dinner!" The central PA version? "Ugh, I'm bored and it's like Wednesday. We could go to the bar... again. Or maybe stay in and watch a movie... But we did that like yesterday. We could drive all the way to Williamsport to do something fun! But that's so far away... Nah. Lets just go to the bar and get wasted because there's nothing else to do and I hate my life here stuck in the mountains."
2) We know who we owe, and what we owe to them.
We've had our fair share of help, and our fair share of being screwed over. We know where we've got debts to pay and work hard to pay them. At this point, anyone that has helped us and not screwed us is close to us in one way or another, and we're happy to have them. We've got amazing people that understand our situation and their understanding sometimes is help enough. We really hope one day we can do as much for them as they do for us, but it's my personal belief that for some people there is no way we'll ever be able to do enough to thank them.
3) Everyone makes mistakes.
We know that we aren't perfect, and sometimes I don't even bother to try. We know we had our faults, and we also know everyone else does too. Judge lest not ye be judged, right? Sure there are some grudges we hold even after we know people may be remorseful and even have apologized, but wounds don't heal over night and some never will. That is just a truth that needs to be accepted, and I know how hard it can be to come to terms with.
4) Growing up isn't easy.
Chris had been doing the whole life thing on his own for a while, but this is my first go at it. The first time I'm out of school and not rushing back next semester, the first time I've lived with someone, the first time I've been engaged. People live different lives and do things at a different rate, so while I may have been taking on the responsibilities of an adult a decade ago it wasn't by choice. This is the first time I get to do it on my own terms. It's tough working two jobs, doing research, studying for exams so I can get into the doctoral programs I want, and maintaining relationships. It makes me so grateful that I've got friends going through the same sort of things.
5) The future is going to be awesome.
Looking at how far we've come from before we met each other, seeing the leaps and bounds we've made even since we got engaged... It makes me so excited for our future. I've said it before and I'll say it again: No matter what happens, knowing that I'll have Chris in my life every day when I get up makes everything feel a little bit better.
Most people I know have thought I'm an optimist, always looking for the bright spot in a bad situation, trying to enjoy the most menial tasks and looking for opportunities around every corner. Chris is the only person that's easily seen through my bubbly facade (or maybe that I've trusted enough to be honest with) and has told me that I'm pessimistic on multiple occasions. He hasn't said that to me in months, so I guess that on some level I must be getting more excited about the things we have today, and the things we get to look forward to tomorrow.
Oh hey everyone, fun fact: according to the tracking info, some people that don't have access to any sites I post a link for this blog to feel the need to actually google it, just to read it. Now, I'm going to guess that these people are probably the ones who hate me and Chris and think I should grow up and get a life and be more mature, etc. etc. since they're as blocked as I can make them. It's cute really.
Til next blog! <3
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