I googled murder...

    Ok, I didn't google murder. I don't usually google things like that, especially after my work in prison. I know enough about it.
    What is true is that I've been having the most vivid and graphic dreams lately, and they include murder. Now this would normally just upset me a little, but in these dreams I'm the one causing the deaths. Sometimes it's just by standing by and letting the people die, sometimes it's because I refused to help, and in one of them I was the person actively and graphically murdering people. If it had been one dream I may have let it go without much thought. I'm always dreaming something strange. Sometimes it fascinates Chris because he doesn't usually have in depth dreams, at least not ones he remembers. Sometimes they're strange and funny, and sometimes they're vivid memories of what has already happened, sometimes they're about things that are going to happen. My dreams vary and are usually entertaining.
    Either way these dreams really stuck with me and stayed in my head. Today I went to see my little sister. A while back she got very interested in dream interpretation and absorbed a lot of it. After telling her all about these dreams she had some super insight. She told me that death generally means change. Murder = forced death, therefore forced change, or at least change that I'm not stopping even if someone asked me to. Her interpretation seemed good. That girl has really got something.
    For the first time since I can remember I'm actively making change, and it's not always pretty. I've got to really work at the process. I'm cutting people out of my life for good and opening the doors to others. I'm letting myself put myself first. I'm in the process of developing hobbies and interests that are all my own, while beginning a career that would easily support me without anyone else's help. I'm becoming independent while working on myself to increase my health mentally and physically.
    For the first time in my entire life I'm becoming a happy, healthy, autonomous and independent individual. It's a good feeling.


Still no word from darling George. I have to say I'm glad to have him gone, just like I'm glad to get people gone from my life. Although, once again Georgie boy, if you want to hop back on and start stirring up trouble again, please do. I'm at a point where I can laugh at the pseudo-anonymous comments because it shows that people can't hide their pitiful childish lying ways. I won't lie though. I play Warcraft with my husband to be, so I guess I'm childish too. Except we rock at it, so....

Thanks for reading! Oh, and in case it wasn't clear, I don't want to or plan to kill anyone. Although a couple weeks ago I would have loved to stab a bitch! :)