I tried to help someone at every point when they needed it. I supported this person and was honest with them. When they were down, I helped them up. I lent them money, spent time with them whenever they wanted companionship, picked up the pieces every time they didn't listen to my advice and got hurt. I went so far as to offer them a place in my family home when they couldn't afford to live on their own anymore and was looking at living out of their car because even their family wouldn't take them in. I gave this person everything I had to give, emotionally, monetarily and in any other way that I could. After almost 2 decades, when I'm finally tapped out, she's decided that she's done and doesn't care for our friendship anymore. While I find this really hurtful, some people close to me make some really good points. They continue to be adamant that she's jealous (this was discussed in an earlier post) and believe that she's the type of person that uses those around her for whatever they're good for. Once they're not useful anymore she leaves them and never looks back. Unfortunately that's something that other people who've extended a helping hand to her corroborate. I hate to know that I'm such a poor judge of character that I invested so much into someone worth so little. Of course I don't mean worth so little in a sense of what she ever did for me, because I never asked her for a thing and she never gave anything without being begged. I simply mean that someone who can't realize the value of a friendship that has given them so much isn't worth the friendship.
People have pointed out that she's probably not thinking about it nearly as much as I have. That may be one of the most hurtful parts of this whole situation. I think about people that I met years ago, and only saw once, and the impact they've had on me and how it continues. I know that LCCWB doesn't care to remember anything good anyone has done for her. I'm absolutely flabbergasted that people can be so ungrateful with no though whatsoever. It sucks.
Most of you know that I'm in therapy, and thank god for that. I have a lot of issues feeling like I'm not worth being treated well. I feel responsible for the bad things that happen, even if I had no hand in it. I wonder consistently why people are there for me and feel indebted to them. I ask for nothing because I feel like I don't deserve anyone's help, love or affection. These are things I work on regularly in therapy. I've even been finding myself using some CBT techniques (nobody tell Tom) to try and help me regain the ground I've lost in this situation.
I've talked to a lot of people about this, I simply need to. Even my ex has been a wonderful support. I've just been in a really bad place right now. I've been so upset I can't plan for my wedding, even considering makes me want to cry. I've felt isolated and alone, and I've got no girl to chat it up with. Chris assures me that we'll be making new friends, but I don't even want to. My faith in humanity is dwindling, and why try with another person just to be hurt again?
Today, when I woke up feeling shitty about the situation again, I decided that it's over. I'm done letting myself beat myself up about someone else's shit behavior. Back to the gym, continuing with therapy, and making the most of the life we have.
No kittens today, and for a good reason. Pretty much everyone agrees that Georgie boy was either the bitch in question or her ball-less pussy boyfriend. See, they didn't have enough guts to say or do anything directly, but were obsessed enough to read and attack the blog. Now that they've been blocked from every media we've got this blog posted on, George is silent. Awkward... But not really. Stupid douche bags.
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