Aaaaannddd BOOM goes the dynamite.

    Today the husband to be and I went to a wedding. Our first wedding together, the first wedding either of us remember going to (I was at my parent's wedding when I was really young), and the first wedding since we've gotten engaged. It was beautiful and felt intimate. The ceremony was held in a romantic clearing in a lovely Japanese garden, the reception in a tent nearby, not too big and not too small, the bride looked like she could have walked right out of a dream, and I'm sure her husband thought she may have. Her friends and family were in attendance, there was no tension, and everyone seemed to have a lovely time. It was wonderful. Like a fairytale.

    I guess that's when reality hit. I've got to do this one day, and not too far off. I always wanted to have a lovely fairytale wedding. I wanted the white dress, the linens, the cake, the ceremony, thebridesmaidsthedancingthefamilyhappinessfunguestsomgwtfamithinkinganymore?!?! You can see how this is going... I may need to elope.

    I hate clothes shopping most of the time, what makes me think I'll be happy with a white poofy dress that might just make me look bigger? I can't keep myself clean during dinner at home, how will I not spill wine or drop food on myself at our reception? I get antsy during a 20 minute meeting, how will I be able to sit through a wedding ceremony filled with pomp and circumstance, let alone be completely present like I need to be. I barely like people, and my friends are similar so how will the bridesmaids get along? Chris hates dancing, what makes me think he'll like it on that day? My family bickers at a simple dinner out, how can I expect them to chill out on such a stressful day?
   Almost a month ago Chris asked me the biggest question of my life so far, and the answer was the simplest I've had to give. I knew without a doubt that he was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with before he asked. I knew that he would make an amazing husband, father, family member (super important since I have a little family), and would always work hard to provide for us and do whatever it takes to create a comfortable life for us. At that moment I didn't have a single question. Now that's all I feel like I've got. Previous statements about Chris and our future excluded, of course.
    I guess today is one of the first days that it really hit me. The drama with everyone around me and the problems surrounding the situations have clearly distracted me from the facts of the matter. At some point, close or distant in the future, whether privately and in secret or publicly in front of hundreds of friends and family, I will be marrying Christopher A. Harris Jr. No matter what happens for the rest of my life, or how unsure about anything I might become, I know that I can (and will) completely give my life to him. He is the man that has proven to me he deserves it... even though sometimes that means he deserves a punishment. :)
    Today may have made me think we should stretch the engagement a little more, but it's also made me more sure than ever that he's the man for me.