Well, not the complete start, but the start of the latest drama.
On May 29th, 2011 my boyfriend became my fiance, officially taking me off the market and pulling me (happily) into the club of individuals that will never date again. Now, all of this happened so quickly (we had just come back from the Caribbean the day before) and it was very late by the time we got home. Not very late, but late for a Sunday. I asked Chris (the fiance aforementioned) to maybe perhaps keep this little tidbit between us, just until we had a chance to tell our families and close friends so there would be no hurt feelings that someone didn't know, obviously not telling them meant we didn't love them, etc etc.
In keeping with this theme I hopped on the social media devil we know as Facebook. I instant messaged my best friend (****EDITED BECAUSE APPARENTLY THE TRUTH HURTS. This person will be further referred to Lying Cuntface Cheating Whore Bitch, or LCCWB for short.****), the chick that has been my understood maid of honor since we understood what weddings were. I wanted to tell her in person so I asked when she'd be in town next, since she just recently moved to be with her boyfriend in Lock Haven. A move, I might add, that occurred without so much as a farewell to me, let alone an notification given that she was living in my home, with my mother and my sister. Either way, she said she didn't know exactly when she'd be back, but it would be soon. I said that I needed her to come home. When she asked why I said "lol it's not like it's life changing shit or anything. Just get home. It's important."
At that point I left and went to my mother's house to inform my darling sister and mama about the exciting news. Needless to say they can't get over it and simply can't wait to plan a 500 person celebration with a cathedral length train and a huge celebration. We're thinking 50 of our closest friends and family and their dates, the smaller the better. But more on that later. I left to go back home to my intended, and spend our first night together in our new relationship state.
While I was gone my darling love got excited and came early. Haha I can't help it. He put it on facebook while I was away, excited for his friends and family to know (as his status put it) "she said yes!" I can't fault him for this at all, I was excited too, but this is where things start to spiral out of control.
Over the next 24-36 hours calls, texts, and FB messages of joy and happiness were flowing in. Most people were as surprised as I was and excited for us. Some people thought it was about time. Everyone had something to say, except the one person that should have. LCCWB. She seemingly dropped off the face of the earth. Even her boyfriend text'd his congratulations. Needless to say I was busy with other things, so her specific congratulations was slightly overlooked. I was sure she was busy. After seeing her online and noticing her being active on FB I messaged her again. This message was met with a tirade about how horrible I am to not have told her. I should have taken time to collect my excited and fluttery head and remembered to specifically call her. The conversation went on for 20 minutes, including a point where she informed me that she forbid her boyfriend from congratulating us, and the closest she got to actually congratulating me on the engagement was "I'm happy for you, I'm just really hurt."
SERIOUSLY??? You're freaking hurt? GTF over it. I'm in what should be one of the most exciting moments of my life and you're guilting me because I didn't make it a point to send you a written notification of my engagement? If there ever was a time when people should STFU and just be happy for you, I'd think this was it. Apparently I'm wrong.
I let it go. I went on and pretended that there was nothing wrong and tried to involve her in some of the initial planning, like the engagement party. The entire time I was trying to involve her she seemed distant and uninterested. We all have our theories of why this is happening. Her argument is that she's busy. Most other people's is that she's jealous. She wanted nothing more than for her boyfriend to propose and he hasn't. Mine moved to me, she had to move to hers. Mine put me first in his life, choosing a school close to me, hers refused to make any changes except for letting her move in with him. Sucks for her, but be a friend for once.
This went on for a little longer. Then I noticed mail from her job here at my house (you know, the one she was living at) and I knew she'd been waiting for something. Long story short, I opened it and let her know that it was her check. Then, after doing absolutely nothing for me in months aside from cause headaches, she asked me to go to her bank (out of my way, I'm never near her bank), sign her check (absolutely illegal), and deposit it for her. When I explained to her that I'm kinda busy, what with trying to plan an engagement party without her help, she asked if I could then go to the bank, wait in line, pay for postage and mail it to her. BTW, I don't even have her new address because she never bothered to give it to me when she moved without saying goodbye. I once again told her I was too busy to do her bidding and she'd have to figure all of that out herself.
This one rejection of a demand threw life into a downward spiral that lasted 2 weeks. She informed me of how ungrateful I am, how self centered I am, how I rely on everyone else to take care of me, and how all I do is play the victim. This all came after I had (without her knowledge) sent her the check like she asked.
Now I'm sure that I can be slightly less than wonderful sometimes, but let me help you all to understand why I deserve to be spoken to like that.
-In high school I stuck by her side, even when her boyfriend was cheating on her. What happened when I told her? She called me a liar and didn't speak to me until other people told her the same thing. She later got back with him, and he ended up abusive, which I also warned her about.
-In college when I was home for one week for spring break, she couldn't find the time to meet my boyfriend or see me at all (because she was busy with that abusive bf of hers) and later blamed me for not caring. She didn't speak to me for 2 years.
-When her abusive bf finally broke up with her she posted all over fb about how alone she was, how nobody was there for her, and how she couldn't count on anyone. Being me I stepped back in and helped pick up the pieces.
-When I moved home we went back to best best best friends. With LCCWB that entails loaning her money, letting her borrow your car, helping her whenever she needs it and getting nothing in return. But that's my own dumb fault.
-About a year ago she spent enough money to no longer be able to afford to live on her own. Instead of turning my back on her I begged my mother to let her stay with us, just until she got back on her feet. My mom was skeptical but I suppose that she couldn't justify letting me be upset, so she worked out a rent agreement ($200 flat a month, I wish I could find that anywhere!!) and LCCWB moved in.
-Christmas time, a friend of ours was in town from Kentucky. LCCWB lies to me and goes to dinner with her and another friend, both of which had been trying to make plans with me, but I was waiting for an opening in LCCWBs schedule, since we were doing everything together. This was ok of course, because "You wouldn't have wanted to go anyway."
-LCCWB proceeds to stop paying my mother, using me to smooth over the problems she's caused herself.
-Things deteriorate, to the point where she's hit my mother's car, owes thousands of dollars in rent to my mother, continues to lie to me, and is using (or at least bringing) drugs in the house. This is behavior that is not tolerated, but I continue to try and help her out.
Then I find out that she's been talking about how dumb, ugly and rude I am behind my back, as well as lying about my (now) fiance, after all I've done for her. The girl must be damaged.
This situation has culminated in her ignoring me, so I called and told her that it's about time for her to nut up or shut up. Chick's got a voicemail that says she's a shit friend and person, and she can either change or get the f*ck out of my life. Yesterday I was hoping for the former, now I'm hoping for the later.
To continue to handle toxins is to tempt toxins into your body. Stay away from them and stay safe.
Hope this helps you to stop mourning your loss and begin celebrating your future. I love you and you deserve every happiness.
ReplyDeleteSometimes the end is necessary to make room for something good that could happen.
ReplyDeleteHow about this...
ReplyDeleteIn two to three years you look back at this post, and then decide who is better off, you or LCCWB. I'm not trying to take anything away from your engagement, because that is a big accomnplishment and you should be happy. But my only thought here is, in two years LCCWB and frends will be living much better lives and be a hell of a lot happier than you could ever dream of being. SO please, mark your calendar and be ready to feel like a complete bitch in 2 years. Although I'm sure you'll just lie about how good your life is at that point, just like you do now. But hey, the truth hurts so why tell it?
Hey guess what?!?! The two year mark for me to check on my feeling like a complete bitch (per your prediction) is coming up in a few short months! Now, When we get to June 14, 2013 (precisely 2 years from your comment that claims I'll be feeling like a complete bitch) please remind me to examine the situation once again. For now, here's that introspective update:
DeleteI'm working at a base unit for children in my city. We take troubled or ill children (occasionally their parents as well) that no other company would touch because of their history, insurance status, parental education level or ability to get the children the help they need... Basically we take everyone that comes through our doors. I help children that have been removed from their parents due to abusive situations, and children that have been kicked out of their schools because they can't find a way to communicate or manage themselves. I see children that have had horrible crimes committed against them or witnessed the most awful things that we would all (the we being normal or decent human beings) try to protect children from. I work with children that have experienced things that no person ever should, and help them get to a point in their lives where they can live as normally as possible and help others to work towards a healthy state of mind as well.
I don't only work with depressing situations though. I get to work on cases of reunification, bringing families back together. I get to help children with learning disabilities learn how they learn differently and prepare them for school. I work with children on appropriate social interactions so that they can do well with peers. I work with teens to help them transition to adulthood. I help young men and women transition into adulthood, helping them make choices that will pave the way for their life, like work or college. I get to see people truly change and grow, an experience that is extremely moving for anyone with a heart, and while I help them I can also change and grow.
I love my job, I love my family, I love my future husband, and I love the potential my future holds. My life has been continually blessed and I will never forget that. At some point I hope to be able to go back to school and get my Ph.D., but right now I've got a couple things that hit a higher priority level. Next year Chris and I are getting married, and I'm fairly certain that we've come up with the most perfect way to go about it. I've had my ups and downs like everyone else, but I've come out the other side a better, more experienced and wiser.
I'm sorry that you've been lied to so often that you believe that everyone would lie about how their lives are going and I hope that someday you seriously consider counseling that could help you come to terms with that issue, but if you've kept up you'd see that I've got no problems airing my misery on this blog, side by side with my happiness. I hope that one day you can be that honest with yourself and surround yourself with individuals to do the same. Good luck Georgie boy! Chat with you in 4 months!
Now that's just hurtful to me George.... I'm quite sure I can provide a really good life for Danielle. But, at your request, I'll mark my calendar and check back with you in two years when I'm providing a nice life from an Ivy League medical school. Sorry to burst your bubble George.
ReplyDeleteWell "George" thanks for your input. I know that a lot of people think that this blog post (and the others) are just mean and filled with lies, but the thing is that they aren't. I tried to speak openly with LCCWB about it and she refused. So if I want to vent on the internet, it's my prerogative.
ReplyDeleteIf you want to spend a day in my life, dear George, we can hang out and you can see how lovely of a life it's become. I'd be glad to grab a coffee and give you an inside look at everything I'm doing and have done. And for reference sweetie pie, in this post I've only said I was happy about the engagement. The situation with LCCWB has only caused me pain and anguish that has lasted weeks. It's awful to have someone you've sacrificed for and worked with for almost two decades decide they don't care enough about you to act even remotely like a friend, especially while you're trying to enjoy a significant event like an engagement.
I would give almost anything for LCCWB to turn things around and act like a friend, even pick up the phone and make a minimal effort. I tried to tell her that, but she didn't care enough to listen. So my calendar doesn't have to be marked. I already feel like a bitch for finally standing up for myself, and that's the worst part.