In this particular moment in time this blog doesn't actually apply to me. For once I've stood up for myself and every time "but I deserve better" runs through my head I've decided to search for a better way. To rid myself of the situation or person that I deserve better than and move on. Set standards that I deserve to have met and only accept that standard. Sure, this makes me bitchy and mean in some peoples eyes, but it's made me happier than I've been since my super hedonistic days in high school. Back then I was happy because I didn't care much about anyone but myself, these days I'm happy because while still considering how my actions might affect others I'm putting myself first. There are obvious exceptions to the "me first" rule, such as my family and the fiance that I'm building a life with. They kind of land at the same level I'm putting myself at.
This incredibly selfish way of dealing with the world is most likely offensive to some people, they believe that I should continue to put everyone else first and hope that there is some time and energy left over for me. Anyone who really knows me knows that I've been doing that for years and it makes me difficult to deal with. As melodramatic as it sounds, those close to me have seen me drive myself into the ground for other people while I let myself suffer to the point of exhaustion and pain that never gets assessed. Now, after choosing the people and situations I'll allow myself to be involved with, I've added on therapy, working out, weeding out the negative people in my life, and adding in regular bouts of laughter with friends and family. I make it a point to take time out for myself, and this is a novelty that I am really enjoying.
Back to the topic at hand. We let ourselves suffer when we know we deserve better. We take jobs we hate, we know we deserve better ones with better pay doing something better, especially when we know we're more qualified than about 90% of other Americans. I'm not being cocky, that's just a statistic regarding the percentage of people with a masters degree. We allow ourselves to be trampled on in relationships when we know we deserve someone who loves us, cares for us, and can offer reciprocity. Whether romantic or friend relationships we know when we're in the right position, and we know when we deserve better, but we so often stay.
Why do we put ourselves through this? Sometimes it's necessity. Sometimes we need jobs so badly we take ones that we're overqualified for and can't stand just to pay the bills. Sometimes we feel that we need relationships to sustain ourselves or some part of our lifestyle, although most of the time we're wrong in that aspect. Why else might we do it? I think that during the times when I let people treat me in a way I didn't deserve it was because, as crappy as it felt, I thought I deserved it. I believed that I had done something to deserve the treatment I was getting because no person would be so cruel to another unless they deserved it, right? Retrospectively, I was wrong. I felt guilty for no real reason and let people take advantage of it.
Those were my reasons, but what are others? Now that I'm actively working to assess my life and keep it on the positive end I wonder why other people wouldn't do the same. The people who have told me forever that I'm too hard on myself, and told me that I deserve better, continue to let themselves be where I used to be. Abused and unappreciated by themselves and other people, in situations that they don't need to be in, they can't seem to see the forest through the trees.
As difficult as the past few weeks have been for me to get through, making the change was a change for the better. I wish there was some way that I could let everyone know that they (most likely) deserve better. They simply have to stand up for themselves and realize what they actual deserve better on. For example, I don't deserve better than my family right now. No matter how hard it can be to run over to help out with my sister at the drop of a hat, or deal with issues with nursing care and the reliability of our help, the reward outweighs the downside, and it always will.
So dear friends, what I'm saying is that you (probably) deserve better. Take a close look at your lives, see what makes you unhappy, analyze the risk/reward of keeping it around, and if whatever it is isn't necessary and at the same time isn't worth it, let it go. Live your life in the "better" realm. Don't let people continually rely on you, take from you, degrade you, make you feel as though you're not worth the time it takes to have a friendship and then expect you to do exactly the opposite. Build a life that you're comfortable in, and let everything else go.
lolz haterz. screw off! <3
Another take on why we often behave in this pattern of procrastinate-
ReplyDeleteAs humans(at least those who have their survival needs met on a regular basis)our brains have evolved to be irrationally positive. We continue to hope for a positive outcome long after logic would dictate the opposite. Believe it or not, this is a positive evolutionary bias. Once our brains developed to the point where we could contemplate our own mortality and eventual death, we also needed to develop hope to prosper as a species. Not universal hope, but at least the anticipation of positive outcomes for our selves and our tribe (children, spouse, close relationships).
Without anticipation of positive outcomes we would not strive to better ourselves, we would lack compassion and our world would be a much worse place.
I think that this could be why we've got an overpopulation issue.
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